What do I need to make it Christmas?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GRqjFcP_aw0

Last Sunday,  the pastor asked the congregation what was it, that we had to have, to make it Christmas.  He said for him, it was

THE FOOD,  specifically,  the smoked ham since they had smoked turkey for Thanksgiving.










Many said (& my daughter would be included in this group) that they needed the music,  even if it did start all the way back in October.

Others said ,  they needed the decorations before it seemed like Christmas to them.

  And in times past, I could have said,  I needed everything.  I love Christmas.  Always have & always will,  but it's different for me this year.

It's a bit grey around the glitter & somber in the gaiety. And the lights are a bit blurry









I have not felt my usual anticipation or happiness of the season.

It has taken me 2 weeks to get the house decorated & still much of it remains in the boxes.

 I haven't done my usual shopping











& if it hadn't been for traditions,  I'm not sure I would have done much.
 Traditions have been one of the strongholds for my family.  They reminded me that life still goes on & this is how we do it. 

I have to admit that I probably went overboard the first year after Daddy died & bought too many presents with the hope that it might compensate.  Of course, it didn't,  but we were together & because of traditions we could celebrate what mattered.

  And so,  I've been pondering what I needed to make it Christmas for me this year.

                  That's why I posted the song with this blog,
 because it's been like I'm asking "where are you Christmas".

I've been invited to more parties

Christmas tea,

                                   




                           progressive dinner &

open house ladies night) than I've ever been since it's just become 'me' & not 'we'.  And I've pushed myself to attend & have been proud to say that I didn't feel I "faked" my way through it. 

I loved the fellowship & laughter & seeing how everyone decorates.  But this hasn't made Christmas for me.

 I've don my shopping shirt & went Black Friday hunting with 2 of my daughters.  It was wonderful to see them spend THEIR money & be the caddy in their game.  But with the water pump in my car needing replacing & funds not being as much as they have been,  the hunt wasn't as much fun without having "ammunition" in my wallet.

There was no cantata to practice for or program to focus on.  Though my son was one of the wisemen in his school program.  As I watched him sing "We Three Kings",  I remembered that on his first Christmas he was Baby Jesus (with a pacifier!).  I can still say it's everything that makes it Christmas to me.

 But I think this year,  it's the Silence that I've latched onto.  It's been good to be quiet & listen.  It's been good to Advent in my devotions & truly prepare my heart to receive my King.  In this,  it's Christmas, remembering my Hope,  remembering God is God always.  This is it,  this Christmas