Anniversary time

I'm not sure what to write,  but have the time & feel the need.  Tomorrow will be the "date" that my Beloved went to be with our Lord.  And at the time it was a release,  but today,  I don't know how I feel.  All who said that time heals,  LIED,  because time does not.  It only makes the memories fuzzy & that makes me sad.

  I find myself straining to remember what his voice sounded like,  what his touch felt like.  Time has taken away the intense pain that felt so permanent,  but there is always a vulnerable spot that will get touched by a song or phrase that will bring it all back again. 

Time has helped me be open to possibilities,  new adventures & directions that bring me to close doors on dreams that once was & can not be.

Time does not heal,  but time has become my friend. At least for now.... Happy Homegoing Beloved,  I miss you!

My bridesmaids

My niece just got engaged & it's been interesting listening in on the plans.  I forgot how intense choosing bridemaids can be,  should you just ask family or do you just ask friends.  And which friends?  All her friends are special & she doesn't want to slight any of them.  I remember being in the same position & I felt the pressure & so all my cousins were in my wedding...

                                        it wasn't this extreme

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And since I don't have any sisters,  I did get to ask my closest friends to be my bridesmaids.  And they have remained my friends through sickness & in health.

They endured my choice of dresses (I think they did have a big bow in the back,  but they were short & I know that after my wedding they were used at a couple of cruises dress up affairs).  They helped me move boxes several times as we moved to several states in several years.  They were there to hold my babies & have their names as middle names (yup,  girls you were named after Auntys).  They were there for me when my beloved was first diagnosed with cancer.  They sat with me in emergency rooms & hospital bedsides.  They took care of my kids while I was sitting in chemo waiting rooms.  And they were my bridemaids once again during his memorial service.... helping me to get through my last ceremony with my love.  This past weekend would have been our 23rd.  And it was wonderful to get txts from my bridemaids.  They are still holding me up.  They are my sisters.... I love you girls,  thanks for being there for me!