My one word: FORWARD

One word.... I started last year with just one word as my resolution.  I followed it all the way through & it's been good.  The word was MOVE.  And it was able to fit in all areas in my life.  So,  I wanted to do it again.  In fact,  I wanted to use the same word.  But it didn't seem like it would be moving forward.  And that's when it struck me that my word can be FORWARD.  It really isn't an action word but more of an "attitude" word.  And in that I'm afraid to commit.  But as I prayed & kept seeking for a word,  this FORWARD word nagged at me.  And so,  now,  I will make it my word & see where it takes me.  I may even join the one word tribe at http://oneword365.com/  

Forget New Year’s Resolutions. Scrap that long list of goals you won’t remember three weeks from now anyway.

Choose just one word.

One word you can focus on every day, all year long… One word that sums up who you want to be or how you want to live.

It will take intentionality and commitment, but if you let it, your one word will shape not only your year, but also you. It will become the compass that directs your decisions and guides your steps.

Discover the big impact one word can make.

Forget New Year’s Resolutions. Scrap that long list of goals you won’t remember three weeks from now anyway.

Choose just one word.

One word you can focus on every day, all year long… One word that sums up who you want to be or how you want to live.

It will take intentionality and commitment, but if you let it, your one word will shape not only your year, but also you. It will become the compass that directs your decisions and guides your steps.

Discover the big impact one word can make.

Welcome...#fmfparty

Yipee!  the five minute party is back http://katemotaung.com/2015/01/08/five-minute-friday-welcome-and-a-video/ & the posted word is: WELCOME.

 So,  I have 5 minutes to write about this & not dwell or spent time looking for the right image.  I have to confess that I did just that before I started the timer.  At first,  I was going to write about the places I feel most welcome,  but so much of that has changed with the circumstances of my life.  And that just doesn't match with what I'm thinking my word for the year is going to be.... more on that another time.   Wow,  time goes fast,  I only have 2 minutes left.  Anyways,  I was perusing the images & saw so many signs about welcome to my city.  And that brought back so many memories of road trips & me insisting on taking a family picture in front of said sign.  In fact,  when I was first married (oops,  the timer went off,  but I'll still finish this story), we literally stopped at every small town in the Midwest (my husband, at the time, worked for Doty Labs for the summer & we drove to all the grain elevators collecting samples to send back to the lab.  It was a wonderful summer.  And I loved how creative each town would be to try to convey it's personality & make you feel welcome.

okay,  broke the rules just a little bit,  but I was having so much fun blogging & I wanted to finish the story & keep on smiling.  And I really do love looking at all these welcome signs.  Here is a welcome sign that I want to visit sometime.  It was on the "wish list" before Daddy died.  And we were suppose to go when the boy grew taller & was double digits.  But finances & other circumstances has put that dream on the shelf.  Maybe,  someday,  I'm still hopeful & that's what matters. 

on your mark... get set... GO

So,  it's the first of the year,  time to begin again.  Time to forgive myself & others of what wasn't done last year.  Time to make changes. 

But before doing those changes,  there is a need to reflect on what has happened in the past.  Because in that is where you learn. 

I use to take time at the beginning of my year with a new journal & write out all that.  I wish I could still do that & maybe I will,  but it just is not in me anymore.  I've tried & had to put it away as I stare at the blank page.  Rather than get excited,  I become discourage that I don't have the cherished dreams to look forward to.  And the newness of the page just reminds me of that.

I'm surprised that I have a hard time even looking back.  My life is full,  but I still miss what I've loss so much. 

I miss my husband & our growing old together. I miss my friends who I counted as family. I miss living in warmer weather.  I miss homeschooling.  I miss my old life.

Don't get me wrong.  There has been much to smile about & I have even laughed.  I have even seen the hindsight in the struggle.  But this hasn't been my choice. 

What I have chosen is to move forward,  not move on,  because that would mean having to leave alot of my heart behind & I want to take that with me.  MOVE.... that was my word last year & I've been thinking,  I want to keep it.  But that wouldn't be moving would it?  So,  I'm still contemplating my word.

That was one of my favorite things about last year.  That I had a word to encourage me.  Another is doing the 31 day blog challenge.  I did read more & declutter more.  I got myself a job & hence have started a new identity apart from the kids & having been married.  I've moving forward... yes... I was on the mark for so long,  but I couldn't get myself into set. 

I'm grateful for support groups like Celebrate Recovery & Grief Share.  But I really miss having heart friends.  This is still a new beginning for me.  And I see myself going back to my old friends for support,  but they live so far away (yup,  I acknowledge that I'm whining).

I miss my church family.  But it's building here.  It's a bit more messy here.  But that's what family is.  I just wish that I didn't know so much & could just be a sheep in the pasture.

Through it all,  I have my God.  Who has never left me even though I have left many a time.  This morning I read about Hagar.  When the angel of the Lord came upon her,  she called Him the "God who sees".  Yes,  God sees how I am doing & He knows.  In that is comfort. 

And so,  this is my first blogpost of 2015... I'm ready & set & I'm moving... oops,  going!