Welcome each new day

Yipee,  it worked... so,  in my last post where I wrote about how I'm making this challenge about blogging & not about having to write daily.  I said that I was going to move forward by catching up today & writing a bunch of posts.  But first,  I have to be excited that the pictures all came through.  This was my big hold up & why I hadn't blogged for awhile (well aside from taking birthday trips & band competitions & Baby Girl's senior recognition that I was part of a 3 member committee... my life can be too full).  I got stuck on wanting to put pictures.  I actually had planned some pictures with the thought of the "daily"s but then I couldn't figure out how to put them in the storage place of blogger. I wanted to be personal & not just get free images for this blog.  I really couldn't figure out how to get the pictures off my phone.  Still haven't,  but I really only had one on there that I wanted for the blog & that's the one of my birthday cake & I finally asked one of my daughters to download it for me.  But well,  now,  I can just welcome this new day & go FORWARD from here.

Thank you Lord,  that your mercies never cease & they are new every morning

 

daily distractions #1

It's morning & I just realized that I didn't post yesterday.  What's ironic is that I brought my computer to bed with me (not a usual habit,  one that I don't want to keep) with every intention of blogging.  But,  Superstar in college had texted that her roommate had booked her flight home for Christmas break & that I should "help" her do that too.  So,  I thought I'd just look at the prices & that ate up all the time that I set aside to blog.  Funny thing is that I had an idea in the morning,  but I had to get ready for work.  Funny thing,  I thought about it during the day,  formulating my outline & what I wanted to share.  Funny thing is when I started to yawn & saw the clock on my bedside table said 11:30pm,  I turned the computer off & went to sleep. It wasn't really that funny when my body clock went off & I got up to use the bathroom,  I almost stepped on my laptop.  And that's when I realized I had been distracted from my purpose last night.  I should have wrote that blog first then looked up airlines.  I get so distracted from my goals sometimes.  I have a feeling that not writing everyday is going to happen more than once this month.  And so,  this is daily distraction #1, moving forward

Read a blog, be encouraged, love this daily

thank you red sea holiday for this stock photo

It's Saturday, day 3 of the challenge & I'm scrambling a bit because I really should be getting ready to go to Baby Girl's band competition (I still have an hour until the house wakes up but I haven't packed the "stuff" yet that I usually pack the night before, but we had the highschool football game to go to... yada, yada, yada). And so, I started this morning with a bit of reading others who are doing the challenge. Oh my, I am so encouraged to be joining this community. This is part of why I LOVE this challenge. Frankly, I thought I'd just be reading this year. But I had a prompting of the heart that said, write, you need to WRITE. But I don't know how to write. I certainly don't know how to blog. Nobody reads my stuff. And so I was going to just read other people's stuff.

thank you media cache

 The stirring in my heart wouldn't go away. Seriously,  I didn't want to do it.  I didn't feel like writing & I know myself enough to know that if I didn't FEEL it,  I wouldn't endure the challenge when it got hard.  So, I put a condition on it. I wouldn't do this challenge unless a "good" prompt came to mind, unless, it was something that would be easy for me to write about on the fly. Unless,  it was something fun.   And so, the prayer went up & stayed tuck away for 2 weeks. Then bam, it hit me while doing my "to do" list (for that story you can read my intro ). I, still didn't want to do it, but when I took the dogs on a walk, all these ideas & different blog post came into my mind. And then, when I got home, I started taking pictures of some of the "daily"s. And it's going to be fun. I had alot of fun doing them (you should have seen me setting up the picture of the toilet.. hee, hee). And that's when it hit me. I'm going to join the 31 day write challenge. I'm going to have fun & not stress. I'm going to read so that I can think better.  I'm going to read my own stuff & really that's all that matters to this blogging stuff. 

So,  anyways,  I didn't have any pictures of me reading (maybe I'll get one of my kids to take one later & add it here, but even if I don't, I'm NOT going to stress about it).  So,  I searched free images of ladies reading.  Ha, ha that was fun,  I did think of putting one with beautiful tan legs sitting by a pool with a book open was fun.  But I did choose one the closest that looked like me (NOT).  Well,  I do have a straw hat like that... hee, hee. 

blog button

I have not really signed up for the challenge because I haven't made my blog button yet.  But I will not be daunted.  It will not defeat me.  I looked it up on google.  I have the image & graphics ready.  But when I go to create it.  It shows error.  I have a feeling that my computer is too old & outdated to support the service sites.  That's okay.  I was planning a trip to the library today.  I will get on the computer there.  Sigh,  I have to pay my overdue fine first.  Oh well,  had to take care of that sometime.  This is why, I have to make sure I do the "daily"s because I get so sidetrack by these "once in awhile"s.  This is why, I make "to do" list with things I've already done in the day,  just so I feel accomplished & can have something to cross off.  This is why, I need the God of the Universe to order my day, because when I try to be in control,  I just mess everything up & it's lacking peace.  This is why my favorite Bible verses are Lamentations 3:22-23

31 day challenge 2015 landing page

I wasn't sure I was going to take up the challenge this year because I lacked inspiration & motivation.  But last week,  I was working on my to do list for the day & laughing at myself for writing things that I do daily.  These things do not have to be written down.  They get done (most of the time) even when they are NOT written down.  I think I write them down just to have something to cross off.  And I started to think about all the things that I do daily & wondered if I had 31 of them,  so "wa-la" inspiration was born & the motivation was there... then... but now it's October 1 & I'm just making this landing page without any direction or plan.  Actually,  I don't even know if I'm making this right.  I tried making a "button",  but that got frustrating.  But I feel like I'm letting myself down by not doing this challenge.  And so here I am moving FORWARD... I"m planning on coming back to this post (if I've made it right) & adding the linkys (is this the right term).  So,  I'm coming back every time & adding my post for the day,  I still am not sure if I'm doing it right.  But I'm trying & enduring & perservering!

Day 1 31-day-challenge-2015-landing-page
Day 2 blog-button
Day 3 read-blog-be-encouraged-love-this-daily
Day 4 the B-I-B-L-E
Day 5 my-morning-constitution
Day 6 paying-bills-sigh
Day 7 daily-distractions-1
Day 8 work-daily
Day 9 play-daily
Day 10 rest-daily
Day 11 pray-daily
Day 12 welcome-each-new-day
Day 13
Day 14
Day 15
Day 16
Day 17
Day 18
Day 19
Day 20 timer-is-my-friend
Day 21
Day 22
Day 23
Day 24
Day 25
Day 26
Day 27
Day 28
Day 29
Day 30
Day 31

five minute firiday: RELIEF

it's time for me to blog & here is the link to the prompt.

so,  all I can think about is weather... relief from snow.  Can't imagine that it really snowed in Colorado yesterday,  but my friends on facebook posted pictures so it must have happened.  HA< HA! just glad it wasn't here.  But there is still so much that can still happen in this season & every time a storm hits,  I think TORNADO & I'm so relieved that I didn't have to herd my kids (& dogs) into my dank, dark basement.  But I would do it & have relief that we were saved from being carried away by a big wind.  I'm relieved that with God,  I can move FORWARD (ha, ha... my word for the year,  trying to put it in all my post) otherwise this journey is truly stuck.  I'm relieved that my FOREVER FRIEND biopsy came back negative.  I HATE cancer.  I'm relieved that my kids are fairly normal & I can trust their choices.  Prom is this weekend.  I'm relieved that the timer to the laundry just dinged & my five minutes are over.  I wish I was relieved of getting the house company ready,  but glad that I have a house that can have people over... sigh... ding

It wasn't Friday

On my morning walk with the dogs yesterday,  I realized that it was Friday & not Saturday.  And I sighed a sigh of relief because I didn't have to rush around to get Brother to Basketball,  then piano contest & then to help with Uncle's roof.  And then,  I laughed at myself for stressing about a blogpost for Five Minute Friday when it was actually Thursday.  And then,  I pondered about "break".  I read another #FMF post & she wrote about how Jesus took breaks.  I,  also read another (but not a #FMF) where she wrote about our society has gotten so selfish about "me time".  Both were valid & I wasn't sure which side I want to be on.  Can't I be in both camps?  I didn't read anymore break blogs,  one because I didn't have time & second because I didn't want them to cloud my thoughts in my ponderings.  I still want to write about break.  I like this word.  It's deep.  Maybe this will be my word next year.  But I need to move (oops that was my word from last year... old habit) FORWARD (this year's word is good,  but not as good as move).

So,  I've pondered & read through my old post to see if I gave my coworker a nickname.  I didn't. (Oops,  when I was finishing up this post,  I saw a label for Beautiful Blonde & I did write about her... ha, ha  here Sally the Beautiful Blonde) I want to because I need to write about work more & she is a big part of why work has been good for me.

I think I will nickname her Sally.  Because well,  it's close enough to her real name & because she kinda looks like her with the curly brown hair & the cute smile.  She is younger than me,  but not that much since we have kids around the same age.

She's been in the office for almost 20 years.  And has been a wonderful friend.  I didn't realize how much until she had to be absent with her broken arms.  I had come to depend on talking with her about life.  It was easy because we have alot in common.

And so,  even though it wasn't Friday,  I joined the party early & wrote a post.  And even though,  I wasn't going to write about broken tibias,  I wrote about Sally.  Hi Sally!

five minute friday : BREAK

So the prompt word is BREAK.  What do I do with this word?  I've got 5 minutes to try to do it.  It's an overwhelming word.  So much content,  lots of directions I could go with it.  I feel a bit overwhelmed.  I wish I would have looked it up this morning & had a walk with the dogs to mull it over.  But,  I'm in bed with 2 hours before this Friday is over & I want to blog.  But BREAK?  really?

My first thought when I saw it,  "yeah,  right... I took a break from blogging"  but then I got even more bleak & thought,  " I took a break from life".  Nope,  that's not the direction,  I want my thoughts or this blog to go.

Then,  I thought about my coworker, (I need to go over my blogs & see if I gave her a nickname).  She has 2 breaks in her tibia.  She fell & broke both elbows.  Yup,  ouch... nope,  that's not the kind of break either that I want to blog about.

Ha... timer up,  I guess,  I don't really have to write about it now.  I've accomplished my goal.  I've blogged.  Yup,  no real substance & that disappoints me a bit,  but I'm moving on. I'm going forward.  I will revisit this word after I've ponder.....

onward FORWARD

Tonight,  on my last walk of the day with the dogs,  I thought about blogging.  I do this often on my walks,  but I come home & get distracted & blogging doesn't happen.  Almost didn't happen because yup,  came home & got distracted.  But I want to move forward & onward & blog.  Even if it's about being distracted.  I had thought that I would blogg about the lovely smell of rain & fresh dirt.... it signifies spring.  I had thought about writing about walking the dogs.  I had thought I would even write about blogging even though it's not the "30 day challenge".  But no,  I'm just writing so that I will get a post in before it gets to be months that I haven't blogged.  I still can't believe that I didn't write anything in February.  Yup,  it's definitely time to move FORWARD...

My one word: FORWARD

One word.... I started last year with just one word as my resolution.  I followed it all the way through & it's been good.  The word was MOVE.  And it was able to fit in all areas in my life.  So,  I wanted to do it again.  In fact,  I wanted to use the same word.  But it didn't seem like it would be moving forward.  And that's when it struck me that my word can be FORWARD.  It really isn't an action word but more of an "attitude" word.  And in that I'm afraid to commit.  But as I prayed & kept seeking for a word,  this FORWARD word nagged at me.  And so,  now,  I will make it my word & see where it takes me.  I may even join the one word tribe at http://oneword365.com/  

Forget New Year’s Resolutions. Scrap that long list of goals you won’t remember three weeks from now anyway.

Choose just one word.

One word you can focus on every day, all year long… One word that sums up who you want to be or how you want to live.

It will take intentionality and commitment, but if you let it, your one word will shape not only your year, but also you. It will become the compass that directs your decisions and guides your steps.

Discover the big impact one word can make.

Forget New Year’s Resolutions. Scrap that long list of goals you won’t remember three weeks from now anyway.

Choose just one word.

One word you can focus on every day, all year long… One word that sums up who you want to be or how you want to live.

It will take intentionality and commitment, but if you let it, your one word will shape not only your year, but also you. It will become the compass that directs your decisions and guides your steps.

Discover the big impact one word can make.

Welcome...#fmfparty

Yipee!  the five minute party is back http://katemotaung.com/2015/01/08/five-minute-friday-welcome-and-a-video/ & the posted word is: WELCOME.

 So,  I have 5 minutes to write about this & not dwell or spent time looking for the right image.  I have to confess that I did just that before I started the timer.  At first,  I was going to write about the places I feel most welcome,  but so much of that has changed with the circumstances of my life.  And that just doesn't match with what I'm thinking my word for the year is going to be.... more on that another time.   Wow,  time goes fast,  I only have 2 minutes left.  Anyways,  I was perusing the images & saw so many signs about welcome to my city.  And that brought back so many memories of road trips & me insisting on taking a family picture in front of said sign.  In fact,  when I was first married (oops,  the timer went off,  but I'll still finish this story), we literally stopped at every small town in the Midwest (my husband, at the time, worked for Doty Labs for the summer & we drove to all the grain elevators collecting samples to send back to the lab.  It was a wonderful summer.  And I loved how creative each town would be to try to convey it's personality & make you feel welcome.

okay,  broke the rules just a little bit,  but I was having so much fun blogging & I wanted to finish the story & keep on smiling.  And I really do love looking at all these welcome signs.  Here is a welcome sign that I want to visit sometime.  It was on the "wish list" before Daddy died.  And we were suppose to go when the boy grew taller & was double digits.  But finances & other circumstances has put that dream on the shelf.  Maybe,  someday,  I'm still hopeful & that's what matters. 

on your mark... get set... GO

So,  it's the first of the year,  time to begin again.  Time to forgive myself & others of what wasn't done last year.  Time to make changes. 

But before doing those changes,  there is a need to reflect on what has happened in the past.  Because in that is where you learn. 

I use to take time at the beginning of my year with a new journal & write out all that.  I wish I could still do that & maybe I will,  but it just is not in me anymore.  I've tried & had to put it away as I stare at the blank page.  Rather than get excited,  I become discourage that I don't have the cherished dreams to look forward to.  And the newness of the page just reminds me of that.

I'm surprised that I have a hard time even looking back.  My life is full,  but I still miss what I've loss so much. 

I miss my husband & our growing old together. I miss my friends who I counted as family. I miss living in warmer weather.  I miss homeschooling.  I miss my old life.

Don't get me wrong.  There has been much to smile about & I have even laughed.  I have even seen the hindsight in the struggle.  But this hasn't been my choice. 

What I have chosen is to move forward,  not move on,  because that would mean having to leave alot of my heart behind & I want to take that with me.  MOVE.... that was my word last year & I've been thinking,  I want to keep it.  But that wouldn't be moving would it?  So,  I'm still contemplating my word.

That was one of my favorite things about last year.  That I had a word to encourage me.  Another is doing the 31 day blog challenge.  I did read more & declutter more.  I got myself a job & hence have started a new identity apart from the kids & having been married.  I've moving forward... yes... I was on the mark for so long,  but I couldn't get myself into set. 

I'm grateful for support groups like Celebrate Recovery & Grief Share.  But I really miss having heart friends.  This is still a new beginning for me.  And I see myself going back to my old friends for support,  but they live so far away (yup,  I acknowledge that I'm whining).

I miss my church family.  But it's building here.  It's a bit more messy here.  But that's what family is.  I just wish that I didn't know so much & could just be a sheep in the pasture.

Through it all,  I have my God.  Who has never left me even though I have left many a time.  This morning I read about Hagar.  When the angel of the Lord came upon her,  she called Him the "God who sees".  Yes,  God sees how I am doing & He knows.  In that is comfort. 

And so,  this is my first blogpost of 2015... I'm ready & set & I'm moving... oops,  going!

to post

I have to confess that I'm writing from the top of my head again.  I had thought that the habit would have stuck from the 31 day challenge to be more consistent in blogging.  The habit of writing has stuck,  so with that I am happy.  But I have had many blog post in mind,  but the old "sins" of perfectism,  lazyness & comparison have crept up & have kept me away.  I think I must need the accountablity of the challenge.  I'm surprise that I was just a bit dissapointed that I went from close to 50 views to 2.  After all,  I stopped writing for a reader,  so I shouldn't be dissappointed.  I think I need to go back to having goals & objectives.  So,  I'll write them out here: (remember just writing from the top of my head without a plan).  I want to blog at least once a week.  I'd love for them to be well thought out,  with subjects that I want to share with my kids,  but if that doesn't happen before the week is over,  then,  I'll join in the five minute prompt or story saturday or silent sunday.  I need to draft the subjects or thoughts that I wanted to write about.  For instance,  I had a good thought about writing about the correlation between death & beauty in the fall leaves.  These thoughts came to me during my walks with the dogs around the neighborhood.  Yup,  this is a start... amen....

I'm back, just me

No more challenge but I can honestly say that I have thought everyday that I should blog.  I purposely stayed away to give myself time to not just write from the top of my head.  But I have been posting every day on Facebook for Thankfulness days in November.  It's something that I had fun with last year & am continueing the tradition.  I was going to make this Story Sunday,  but it's getting late & I just wanted to make sure that I put in a post.  So,  yeah,  I'm writing from the top of my head,  but it's okay because I am blogging.  I'm feeling consistent.  I'm back,  but I think it's just me here & that's okay.

five minute friday: leave

Yipee the 31 day challenge is over & I can congratulate myself & say that I kept to my goal & posted every single day.  I'm starting to look forward to it next year & thinking what will I pick.  I'm leaning towards doing a 5 min free write that is part of five minute friday... hope I remember this.

oops,  the timer hasn't gone off yet,  so I suppose,  I just keep writing from the top of my head.  But all I keep thinking about is what I have to do next.  I haven't picked up any Halloween candy yet. I wonder how many will come by.  I had way more candy last year than I needed.

And I should clean the front room a bit.  We walk in through the back door,  hence the front room has become a bit (ok,  more than a bit) of a catch all place & the trick or treaters will come knock on the front door.  Can't let them see past the open door to my piles of newspapers that I haven't taken to the recycle in months.... & oops,  I forgot to use the word for today's#FMF party.... leave... I'm leaving the challenge today.... does that work... hee, hee... I'm feeling giddy... hee, hee

Yipee,  the beep just came on & I'm done.  Not just with this post but with the challenge.  It's been fun.  I've connected with a community that I didn't know existed.  I'm going to have fun catching up & reading all those blogs that I didn't get to.  And for the ones that I connected with,  oh my,  how you have encouraged,  inspired & challenged me.  But most of all,  I've developed a consistency.   I can move on & keep pressing.  I think this deserves a high five!

Throwback Thursday

I'm not sure what Throwback Thursday is in the blogging world.  But I know that when I've seen facebookers do it,  it's when they post an old picture of themselves or their family.  I'm going to use it as a time to look back on this 31 day challenge & my blog.

My coworker,  Beautiful Blond (yup that's what your name is going to be here since I talk about everyone with a nickname) sidled up to me yesterday & lamented, "what's that about day so & so,  you don't blog"... hee, hee.  yup,  my secret life,  my sweet BB.. & so,  I confessed to her that I am a blogger & am all out there for the world to see.

She was impressed since our job consists of following orders all day long.  We have agreed to just smile at each other when we feel like tearing into the front desk.  Anyways,  I digress,  Beautiful Blond says that I'm a good writer.  Ha,  I don't think so,  but that doesn't matter.  And that's what I have learned most from this experience.

After tomorrow,  I will go back to my (hopefully) once a week venting posting.  I will continue on with my word for the year http://myoneword.org/,  which is MOVE (this is one of my throwback) & add on my alliterations when the inspiration is dry.  I will ramble without thinking about a reader.  I will write because I need to get the thoughts out of my head & process the mess.

But I can join the other 31 dayers today & say.... "I am a writer"

Monday Musing

With all the beauty that surrounds me,  changing colors of the trees,  bright sunlight filtering through the crisp morning & clear fresh air,  I am reminded to be still & take it all in.  Yesterday,  with it being silent Sunday ( I think I will keep this as part of my blog after the challenge is over),  I wanted so much to comment on each picture.  But then it wouldn't have been silent.  So now,  I will reflect.  There is so much to reflect on in the silence.  I loved walking around yesterday with my camera & dog.  My neighborhood is awashed in brillance reds,  orange & yellows. 

Friday on the ride home from school,  my son was sharing about photosynthesis,  chlorphyll & sugar in the trees.  When you break down autumn in scientific terms,  it takes out alot of the emotions.  What my son was telling me about was death & how the trees make it beautiful.

It's incredible to think that all the sweet comes to the surface & the leaves turn color before they fall off the branches & then die.  I have also seen this in the end stages of life.  Your blood pressure goes up.  Your heart is feeling tired.  And your sugar rise to levels that will need to be controlled.  And if you don't get any of these undercontrol,  you will die.  It's what happens to the leaves.

Wow,  how's this for Monday musings?  I may keep this.  I was also thinking Monday motivation or Monday memories.  I really do love alliterations

As Paul Harvey would say... "now, for the rest of the story.."

Doing the 5 minute friday was fun.  Actually,  doing this whole 31 day challenge has been fun.  I think it's because I chose to not make it all that deep & thought provoking.  I chose to keep it light & not so vulnerable. 

I surprised myself with what I wrote yesterday.  Most of my posts for the challenge have been from the top of my head not so much from the recesses of my heart.  But yesterday,  I delved into a memory.  And it has me reflecting.

I didn't get a chance to finish my story because the timer went off.  The comments reflected that they didn't know the rest of the story.... as Paul Harvey would say... & to answer the question from one of the comments : Yes,  my whole life has been a dare.  And it has been worth it.

I started this blog to help me process my "new normal" of journeying without the big dare of my life,  my husband.  He died on March 23,  2010;  leaving me with 4 wonderful blessings who needed their Daddy & a mountain of decisions.  I dared to move them to an area which meant they were closer to their Dad's roots & could know him more from relatives & how he was brought up.  But also meant that I was moving away from my own solid support of family, church & school. And I continue to dare to press on. 

As we wind down to the end of this challenge,  I've been wondering what I will incorporate into my blog.  I want to keep the consistency.  I want to continue learning about blogging.  But I want to go back to writing from my heart & not just my head.  I need to in order to become unstuck & untangled.  I want to keep pressing on.

five minute friday

This my first joining with other in a virtual flash mob blog.  I read about it here http://lisajobaker.com/five-minute-friday/ but the party is going on here http://katemotaung.com/five-minute-friday/ the word today is DARE.... so here it is my joining in.... awk... DARE is a special word to me because it was a word that my husband & I use together from the start.  I agree to go on a date with him from a dare from my roommates.  Which was a milestone in the first place because I was at this Institute for Biblical Studies on way to become a missionary & go on daring adventures.  I had given up on the dream of being a wife & mother.  I thought I was picking up a dare from God to just be a little picture in the church phonebook as the missionary overseas.  And then my husband happen & we picked up on the dare.  But I wasn't willing to have babies in the jungle.  Ironically,  I still had my first in a mission rural hospital & I think we were the only in patients there.  And I had my 3rd baby at the urgent care.  Oh my what a dare... oops the timer went off & so,  I need to stop.  phew,  that was hard...

Perfectionism... the unmotivator

I had time to write today,  but again,  I put it off.  I was going to write on motivation again ,  but the way my thoughts were going,  I become very unmotivated.  I realized that this "monster" is probably the number one reason why I don't blog. I want it to be "just right."  I want it to be well thought out.  I want it to flow & transition well  I don't want any spelling or grammar errors.  I don't want to ramble,  I want to be understood.  Now,  that I have 'readers",  I want to present myself in the best light.  I want to be PERFECT.

Is there such a thing?  I have read so many blogs that have shared their imperfect lives & thought; her writing is perfect.  She got her thoughts out of her head... actually she got my thoughts out of my head.  I wish I could blog like that.  And then here comes the next "monster"... comparing myself to what I think is perfect.

I have had to push through these "monsters" to blog everyday.  I have not dwelt among perfectionism because I usually only have spent 20 minutes writing.  Yipee,  I've completed day 23!