I'm back 2020, starting somewhere

I don't know where to begin,  but there is so much happening right now & I need to journal.  My hand starts to cramp when I write with pen & paper.  So,  here I am,  back,  but how do I start?  There must be a starting point... this is it... & now this is....

Journal, my 2018 word

don't worry about your handwriting

So,  I return to blogging after more than a year because my word.. JOURNAL.  I actually came back yesterday because I was looking if I had left my word for 2017 here.  I didn't & I still haven't found where I wrote it down,  but I'm thinking it was FOCUS.  Last year seemed to be about trying to make things that were blurry to clear.  It was about prioritizing & reclaiming.  2017 was a good year.  But I would like 2018 to be better by being able to remember it.  And this comes for me by journaling.

I had been praying about my word since the challenge was set before me by my friends on facebook.  I was thinking maybe I'd skip this year just because nothing was standing out as I was praying except that I wanted to make sure I journaled more.  And then,  it struck me that JOURNAL could be my word even though it didn't fit the recipe of what others were doing. It resonated with me and that's all that matters.

I have had diaries in the past.  One where I've wrote out my angst & almost cringe when I go back & read them.  I known people who have burned those books & felt freedom of release as they watch the ashes float into the air.  If I could find them,  maybe I would do that too.  But I also think there is lessons to be learned from those experiences.  And who knows if future generations find them,  maybe they will gain. 

I have journal through many ways & perhaps the most fulfilling have been with my scrapbooking.  My creative juices flowed with the pretty papers & stickers.  But it was in the pictures of my kids & all their experiences that made it worth it.  I'd like to do this again,  but not sure if I want to get wrapped up in the perfectionism of it.  I do want to get the digital memories into the physical,  but not sure just how yet. 

I have been having fun with social media & keeping up with my kids.  I made a public instagram & will link this blog to it later.  It's been fun to make short points of views.  But I've also kept the my other account & have been respectful of my kids wishes & kept them private.

I've recognized that I don't have a "following" but tried to write for my kids to be an audience.  If anyone else can gain from my journaling than they can.  But I mostly write for me & getting it out makes me happy.

I do have LOTS of other journals that I'm going to keep current.  I have letter journals to a special friend from nursing school & my girls going to university in other parts of the country.  These are books that we send via snail mail where we write our letters to each other in.  The ones to the girls are mostly questions from me & then they answer back.  Questions like: how is your semester going,  who is your favorite professor?  It gives them a place to put their memories since in this digital age,  I doubt they save.  Plus,  I'm hoping someday,  seeing my handwriting makes them smile.  I also try to include little snippets of wisdom.  With one of my girls,  I also,  have included cards & pictures that I have grabbed from her social media.  She was quite surprised that I did that.  The one to my friend has been going for years.  It's nice to have it in one place & not just be tossed & lost.

I also,  have a journal which I first wrote in of my grief journey.  I haven't written in it for awhile,  but I've stuck quotes & excerpts from books,  that I don't want to lose.  I don't want this experience to get lost by not being able to remember lessons learned..... I wrote that earlier.

Lastly,  I spent most of my journalling last year in calendars.  I guess this is where the focus... ha, ha playing with my one word of 2017.  I needed to feel that I accomplished something during the day,  so I would write it down in the calendar that I kept by my bedside. I tried to do this every night.  So,  I'm going to continue this good habit.  I,  also,  have a little calendar,  that I've been putting stickers & cut out images in.  This just makes it fun to go back & look at how wonderfully full the year has been. 

Bullet calendaring has also intrigued me & I see it as a really fun way to journal.  Hmmm,  let me see if I can add a link,  just so I can reference it in the future https://www.bohoberry.com/bullet-journal-update/ I'd really like to work on my drawing & doodling skills. 

All this journaling will be therapy for me.  And this year,  I really want to work on my.  I'm not sure about the reinventing,  but the growing part for sure.  The growing for the better.  The resetting for the working & functioning better.

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Writing again

So,  I begin again.  And that's okay. 

Be kind, have courage & all will be well with a little bit of magic

Have courage & be kind,  that is the big statement of the newest Cinderella movie Disney

found this in my draft folder & it belongs... so will publish.  I wonder if it will be posted to 2016

Courage, learning from the Lion

 I've been reflecting upon the character of the Cowardly lion in the movie The Wizard of Oz & feeling a bit like him.  It seems like he covered up alot of his imperfections with humor.  I do that.  It seems like he cowers at little things & jumps at his own shadow.  I do that too.  But he also had it in him when push comes to shove. I hope I do that  At the end of the movie,  he learns that he had the courage he had been seeking as he journeyed with Dorothy & the other "seeking" characters.  It wasn't the "medal" that gave him courage,  but the love in his heart for the others.  He had it in him the whole time.

Courage, learns the "Cowardly Lion"  is something without which we can have no real self esteem, pride or power, and must ultimately come from within rather than without. He is so guilt-ridden and ashamed of his own fear, anxiety and perceived cowardice that he cannot recognize his innate courage as he bravely accompanies Dorothy and Toto to see the Wizard of Oz. As he is finally wisely counseled by the Wizard, fear, fleeing and inaction is not necessarily to be equated with cowardice. For, as the saying goes, "Discretion can often be the better part of valor."  Sometimes it takes more courage to tactically back away from a confrontation than to mindlessly attack. To stand down rather than further escalate a treacherous crisis. Part of wisdom is knowing when to do which. To be able to consciously pick and choose our battles rather than unconsciously or impulsively reacting. And a major part of wisdom is knowing where true wisdom lies & where to get it.  And that's from God who gives generously (James 1:5)

I choose courage

Birthday blog 2015

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This picture is what held me back during the 31 day challenge.  I had in my plans that since I had put a picture of my birthday cake during the last challenge,  I wanted to carry it forward & make a consistent blog on birthday.  I don't remember fully what I was going to say,  but I got caught up in the details of perfectionism & couldn't get past the obstacle of not having things go MY way.  And so,  I just dropped it,  ignored it & let drop, what I thought was the perfect idea for the 31 day challenge.  It makes me sad a bit.  But I think I'm going to put the idea on the shelf,  continue to look at it,  mull over the "dailys" & pick it up & do it again come October.  This time,  I'll be ready & have the pictures stored in my cache.  I'm sure that something else will keep me from it,  but maybe because my 2016 word is COURAGE that I'll be battle-ready to overcome the obstacles.  I feel like I'm doing so well by finishing this draft & posting it today because it won't be perfect.  It won't be how I had planned.  But it means that I'm letting that go.  It means I'm completing this task & starting again.  It means I've dusted myself off from falling (or my perceived failing) & moving forward.  I am starting to see how this word does fit with my other two.  I'm getting excited about blogging again.  YIPEE!!!

My 2016 word: COURAGE

I've been praying for my word since the 31 day challenge & this verse kept coming to my mind.  It didn't really fit my other words... MOVE... FORWARD.... but it's what God has laid on my heart & so,  Courage it is.  Oh my,  just by knowing this is the word,  I feel a bit fearful for what this year may have in store.  I pray that I will have the strength to make the courageous choices.  Lord,  thank you for this word.  Thank you that I do not have to be afraid or discouraged.  Most of all THANK YOU that YOU will be with me wherever I go.