Cast of Characters

As we were all gathered for Christmas,  my kids asked about my new blog & wondered how I was going to refer to them since I was being more discreet.  So,  I thought I'd introduce my family

Sweetpea Princess is my first born & probably had all the nicknames that are going to be mention (well maybe not the boy ones).  But her Daddy use to call her that when she was tiny & he would tuck her under his chin & then take a nap on the couch.  She is away at college,  but it is only 2 hours away so is able to come visit when her studies aren't intense (hardly ever since she is a 4yr 4.0 & is getting ready for grad school & doctorate program in Physical Therapy) & job schedule doesn't interfere.  Sweetpea has a heart for missions & has been an inspiration to many.  She's one of my heroes.

Superstar is 3.5 years younger but has been trying to keep up with big sister since she was born.  They "debated" if Daddy gave her this nickname,  but like I said before,  he called all of them interchangeably & I'm ending it now & calling her this.  It fits, because ever since she started swimming at the grand age of 5 she has been setting records.  Superstar is in her last year of public highschool & has been a testament of the solid foundation of homeschooling.  I think I was a good teacher for my kids.

Baby Girl really had this name for the first 2 weeks of her life since she was birthed at an urgent care & I took her home without naming her on her birth certificate.  I actually call her Sweetheart more because that's what she is..... the biggest heart for children & the underdogs.  I've discovered that her love language is the same as mine & it's been fun to watch her love on the people in her life.  I'm so blessed that I'm on of those people.

Brother,  my son,  coming at the tail,  12.5 years from Sweetpea & 6 years from Baby Girl.  He is all boy in a gaggle of girls & can get in a heap of trouble for it.

Linda Caroline,   a form of my name that one of my best friends from nursing school has dubbed me.  My father wanted to name me Caroline after the president's daughter.... my mother wouldn't have it & named me after her dead sister.... sigh... I have never really liked my name,  but it is what it is.














Daddy,  I think I'll introduce him here, as well, since he's still a big part of our lives.  He died 3 years ago of SNUC,  a rare form of brain cancer.  He was the best husband,  but even better Daddy & that's why I'm choosing to refer to him as that.

The thrill of hope, the weary world rejoices

A man at the nursing home requested this song when my son's school went to caroling there.  The teacher nervously said that they (this was a group of mostly homeschool kids ages 2-16) hadn't prepared it but they would give it a try.  Since this is one of my favorites & I know all the words,  I helped them out & sang along.  Now,  the song is "stuck" in my head.  But I don't want to have it "untangled".  I believe,  the attitude behind the words will help me "press on" my journey. 

 Till He appeared and the Soul felt it's worth.  The thrill of hope,  the weary world rejoices

This is my favorite line... this is Christmas... & then I read about origin.  How marvelous the way God works.
http://www.aproundtable.org/history-blog/blog.cfm?ID=876&AUTHOR_ID=9

What do I need to make it Christmas?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GRqjFcP_aw0

Last Sunday,  the pastor asked the congregation what was it, that we had to have, to make it Christmas.  He said for him, it was

THE FOOD,  specifically,  the smoked ham since they had smoked turkey for Thanksgiving.










Many said (& my daughter would be included in this group) that they needed the music,  even if it did start all the way back in October.

Others said ,  they needed the decorations before it seemed like Christmas to them.

  And in times past, I could have said,  I needed everything.  I love Christmas.  Always have & always will,  but it's different for me this year.

It's a bit grey around the glitter & somber in the gaiety. And the lights are a bit blurry









I have not felt my usual anticipation or happiness of the season.

It has taken me 2 weeks to get the house decorated & still much of it remains in the boxes.

 I haven't done my usual shopping











& if it hadn't been for traditions,  I'm not sure I would have done much.
 Traditions have been one of the strongholds for my family.  They reminded me that life still goes on & this is how we do it. 

I have to admit that I probably went overboard the first year after Daddy died & bought too many presents with the hope that it might compensate.  Of course, it didn't,  but we were together & because of traditions we could celebrate what mattered.

  And so,  I've been pondering what I needed to make it Christmas for me this year.

                  That's why I posted the song with this blog,
 because it's been like I'm asking "where are you Christmas".

I've been invited to more parties

Christmas tea,

                                   




                           progressive dinner &

open house ladies night) than I've ever been since it's just become 'me' & not 'we'.  And I've pushed myself to attend & have been proud to say that I didn't feel I "faked" my way through it. 

I loved the fellowship & laughter & seeing how everyone decorates.  But this hasn't made Christmas for me.

 I've don my shopping shirt & went Black Friday hunting with 2 of my daughters.  It was wonderful to see them spend THEIR money & be the caddy in their game.  But with the water pump in my car needing replacing & funds not being as much as they have been,  the hunt wasn't as much fun without having "ammunition" in my wallet.

There was no cantata to practice for or program to focus on.  Though my son was one of the wisemen in his school program.  As I watched him sing "We Three Kings",  I remembered that on his first Christmas he was Baby Jesus (with a pacifier!).  I can still say it's everything that makes it Christmas to me.

 But I think this year,  it's the Silence that I've latched onto.  It's been good to be quiet & listen.  It's been good to Advent in my devotions & truly prepare my heart to receive my King.  In this,  it's Christmas, remembering my Hope,  remembering God is God always.  This is it,  this Christmas

A Writer doesn't have to get it right the first time

This is maybe my 3rd or 4th attempt at blog writing.  The first one was during my husband's illness & it was to just get feelings out.  I probably could have gone back to that,  because now I need to get other feelings out,  but that's the whole point of my blog title... I want to get unstuck.  I really need to get untangled & like it says in Phillippians 3:: 12-14,  I'm pressing on.  Actually,  maybe I should just put the verses here,  using the ESV

2 Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. 13 Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. 15 Let those of us who are mature think this way, and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal that also to you. 16 Only let us hold true to what we have attained. 17 Brothers, join in imitating me, and keep your eyes on those who walk according to the example you have in us. 18 For many, of whom I have often told you and now tell you even with tears, walk as enemies of the cross of Christ. 19 Their end is destruction, their god is their belly, and they glory in their shame, with minds set on earthly things. 20 But our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, 21 who will transform our lowly body to be like his glorious body, by the power that enables him even to subject all things to himself. 

oops,  I went further on the verse... I really like this copy & paste stuff... but I digress.  I write again.  I've been inspired by other blog writers like http://mostlytoday.blogspot.com/ & http://hisglory-glorydawn.blogspot.com/who are using this forum to give voice to their journey.  And now I want to share my journey.

I've been going to a grief share group that just ended the first 13 week session. One of the lessons I came away with is that I need to not be stuck in widowhood.  I don't want to be like the little old lady that goes on about her dead husband,   sympathizing with her,  thinking it's a recent loss only to find out he passed away 20 years ago.  That's stuck,  I don't want that to me.  But I think I've been tangled up in the mess of getting settled into this new normal that I haven't really pressed on.

And so,  like any issue,  it's in acknowledging that there is an "issue" that gives you the freedom work on it,  learn from it,  grow...  press on,

I'm not sure who is going to read this blog aside from family & friends.  I've decided to be a little more discreet (my kids say to me all the time to not post their sayings or doings or images on facebook) since this is a public medium.  But I'm hoping that this journey of mine brings healing & encouragement.... press on

 

Keep Calm and Carry On was a motivational poster produced by the British government in 1939 several months before the beginning of the Second World War, intended to raise the morale of the British public in the aftermath of widely predicted mass air attacks on major cities.

I couldn't find an image that said keep calm and press on but I like the story of this anyways & decided to add it to my journey.