Early this morning, I hung out the flag. It's become a tradition since we moved here. The other houses we lived in didn't have a flag holder but we had always intended to put one up. So, now this is part of our new normal. A new family tradition to hang the flag out, in front of our house, on the 4th of July.
Our old normal, consisted of going to Family Camp. A week long church retreat that catered to the whole family & would be around the 4th of July. It was a long tradition of many families. Friends, who were like family to us, who we only saw during that one week. It was a highlight of the year for our family.
We would have an old fashion parade where kids would decorate their bikes & scooters with red, white & blue ribbon. And of course there was a marching band, that everyone who ever had anything to do with an instrument (even if it had been 10 years since they graduated from highschool band as it had been for my husband) was invited & cajoled into participating. One year, there was a boy who marched playing a violin. I miss Family Camp & all that it meant. I pray that the memories won't fade but will live in our hearts forever.
And now we have new traditions. The kids are involved in historical reenactments & have learned how to fire old war artillery. We, also, party with our new church family. Playing typical picnic games like 3 legged races & watermelon rolls. But perhaps the most fun, is shooting our own fireworks. This was prohibited in the state we use to live in. Now, in this new normal, I volunteer at the firework stand & sell them to raise money for the band (oh, the joys of public school).
New normal isn't so bad when I think of these things. Yes, I miss the old normal, but this is part of moving forward. It would have happened even if Daddy hadn't died as we would have seen the kids parting to make their own traditions & gain their independence.
As I reflect on my own new normal & this independence that I've been thrust into. I can say that I'm pretty proud of myself. I've had to make so many major decisions as part of being "head of the household". I've done so many things that I use to let my husband (& before him, my own Dad) do because those where things that husbands & Dads do. For instance, last year, one of the side trees needed to be trimmed because it was blocking the view of the street when backing out of the garage. This year with all the rain, I'm thinking that if I don't get the big limbs cut that they will break on to the roof with the heaviness of the leaves. This one, I can't do on my own, but will have to hire someone. That in itself is something hard to do, because I don't know how to judge who would do a good job & not charge me fairly. I'm such an easy "mark" for a conman. And in this, I hate that the buck stops with me.
So, on this Independence day, I celebrate that I'm doing okay in my new normal. I just wish I didn't still miss my honey so very fiercely.
