Party cleaning

Yikes,  the party is this weekend! And after I got most of the outside cleaned up & flowers in the beds,  it's suppose to freeze tonight.... seriously... it's the middle of May & my friends in California are exclaiming about 100 degree weather for their zoo outings.  So,  we are going to have Plan B ready for this "open house" graduation party on Sunday.  That means that I'm in "stash & dash" mode to cleaning my house.  Nobody can enter my bedroom because that's where I'm putting the boxes that I've filled up from the front room & family room.

I had to work yesterday so I'm a day behind in getting things done.  Superstar wanted to help yesterday & offered to clean the front room.  But if we are going to "stash & dash" the piles that I have there,  I need to know what box they are in.  So,  I need to be the one who does it.  And I was so tired last night after picking up Chinese take out,  I just wanted to lay down.  I needed to be doing so much.... but alas,  it was NOT done but I did go to bed early & am feeling refresh today to whip this clutter house in order.... maybe...


My coworker said that all that mattered is if the bathroom was clean.  Yup,  that's done,  thankfully the kids keep this in order... even though the shelf has LOTS of hair products & curling irons & straighteners & bobby pins & ribbon &... SIGH,  I love my girls pretty hair.

Ok,  off the computer & GO CLEAN for this party.  Hmmm,  in my ponderings,  I'm wondering how many times I try to spiritually clean my heart thinking that someone "spiritual" is coming & seeing my outside.  I need to remember that God sees my heart ALL the time & I need to keep it clean ALL the time as I entertain my King

Defining Identity

I've been thinking alot about this lately as I'm having to juggle so many roles in my life right now.  Many people have been surprised about my job because they didn't know that I was an RN.  Many people saw me as "just a stay at home mom".  And I was fine with that.  It was how I was choosing to be defined.

 When my husband was alive,  I liked being called MRS...  I liked being defined as his wife & the mother of his children.  And now,  when my kids introduce me  to their friends,  I like being defined as their mom.  But,  now as I'm having to navigate through this new normal,  I'm wondering about my own definition.

     Before I was married,  I supposed I defined myself by my job,  because it was what I did.  But I don't think I ever liked it.  I wanted to be known for me & I didn't see myself as a nurse.  It was just a job.  Sure,  a job that I did well & could be proud of.  But did it define me?  No,  I think not.  I did so many other things that I wanted to be known for such as world traveler,  missionary, discipler. encourager & friend.
   

  And as I am raising my girls (& one charming prince) I'm thinking that I DON'T want them to be waiting for their Prince Charming to define them. One of my best friends gave me great advice when  she saw my princesses playing house. She told me to not raise them with a Cinderella mentality that they had to wait for their "someday" & sing that song  "someday my prince will come".  No,  I don't want them to define themselves by that (& so glad that they are not, as they are living their lives to the fullest without pining for a boyfriend).  I'm praying that they will define themselves by how God defines them,  valuable & loved,  making their mark on this world to count for eternity.

And so,  maybe this will be how I will define myself,  not as widow or orphan... no not by the circumstances that I'm finding myself in.  Not by all the things that I do (including my new job,  which by the way,  I'm really loving!),  but who I am in this world,  created in God's image for His purpose of loving His people & basking in His love.
  

hee, hee.... I love when the sun comes through the window!!! this is how I'd love to bask in God"s love

Just like riding a bicycle...

She told me that it would be "just like riding a bicycle".  She, being a friend who told me about a job as an intake nurse at a Pediatric private practice.  I told her that I didn't think I knew how to be a nurse anymore. It's been almost 20 years since I've worked in a hospital.   She gave me the "pshaw" & said that it would come back to me quickly.  And it has!  I'm so happy to say that after 3 days of orientation,  I'm back to being a pediatric nurse (before I was married,  I worked at a Children's Hospital in a BIG city).

Before my "new normal",  I use to refer to the "R" in my RN as "retired".  I liked being a stay at home mom.  I liked that my identity was wrapped up in that.  I liked that my "job" as 'Mommy"  still incorporated what I learned to get my bachelor's degree,  but was so much more fulfilling.  I didn't think that I'd ever go back.  But I kept my license up for the "just in case".  I would never want to take the Boards again.

The "just in case" did happen,  but it didn't mean I had to go back to work.  Daddy set us up well & it has allowed me to still be Mama Bird to my 4 ducklings. It's been different as they've started learning away from home.  And I've had to learn to be a booster parent.  It's been different as I was no longer the sole schedule maker,  but had to abide by school adminstrators & sports leagues.   I've had to learn how to fly as head of the household (really an income tax term) & lead my little flock into new situations.  It's been scary,  but God has been faithful.

But I've been praying about the time that my little birdies will fly away from me.  I've been praying about the time when I will have to spread my wings & go solo.  I want them to grow & have families of their own.  I don't want them to "worry" about me being alone.  And so I've been praying.  Never thinking that the answer would come before I was ready or even before any of my ducklings were really gone from our nest.  Actually,  I didn't want the answer to come until they were out from my wing.  And so,  when the opportunity for this job came,  I hesistated,  but then had to seize it.

Have you ever heard the story of the man who fell from his boat & cried out to the Lord to save him.  Many tried to rescue him,  but he refused their efforts saying that he was waiting for the Lord.  So,  when he finally drowns,  he asks St Peter at the pearly gates why the Lord didn't come save him,  & finds out that God sent the rescue team.  The man had thought God would answer different.  And I didn't want to be like that man.

I want to make sure that I will take my Master's hand when He is reaching out to me.