to post

I have to confess that I'm writing from the top of my head again.  I had thought that the habit would have stuck from the 31 day challenge to be more consistent in blogging.  The habit of writing has stuck,  so with that I am happy.  But I have had many blog post in mind,  but the old "sins" of perfectism,  lazyness & comparison have crept up & have kept me away.  I think I must need the accountablity of the challenge.  I'm surprise that I was just a bit dissapointed that I went from close to 50 views to 2.  After all,  I stopped writing for a reader,  so I shouldn't be dissappointed.  I think I need to go back to having goals & objectives.  So,  I'll write them out here: (remember just writing from the top of my head without a plan).  I want to blog at least once a week.  I'd love for them to be well thought out,  with subjects that I want to share with my kids,  but if that doesn't happen before the week is over,  then,  I'll join in the five minute prompt or story saturday or silent sunday.  I need to draft the subjects or thoughts that I wanted to write about.  For instance,  I had a good thought about writing about the correlation between death & beauty in the fall leaves.  These thoughts came to me during my walks with the dogs around the neighborhood.  Yup,  this is a start... amen....

I'm back, just me

No more challenge but I can honestly say that I have thought everyday that I should blog.  I purposely stayed away to give myself time to not just write from the top of my head.  But I have been posting every day on Facebook for Thankfulness days in November.  It's something that I had fun with last year & am continueing the tradition.  I was going to make this Story Sunday,  but it's getting late & I just wanted to make sure that I put in a post.  So,  yeah,  I'm writing from the top of my head,  but it's okay because I am blogging.  I'm feeling consistent.  I'm back,  but I think it's just me here & that's okay.

five minute friday: leave

Yipee the 31 day challenge is over & I can congratulate myself & say that I kept to my goal & posted every single day.  I'm starting to look forward to it next year & thinking what will I pick.  I'm leaning towards doing a 5 min free write that is part of five minute friday... hope I remember this.

oops,  the timer hasn't gone off yet,  so I suppose,  I just keep writing from the top of my head.  But all I keep thinking about is what I have to do next.  I haven't picked up any Halloween candy yet. I wonder how many will come by.  I had way more candy last year than I needed.

And I should clean the front room a bit.  We walk in through the back door,  hence the front room has become a bit (ok,  more than a bit) of a catch all place & the trick or treaters will come knock on the front door.  Can't let them see past the open door to my piles of newspapers that I haven't taken to the recycle in months.... & oops,  I forgot to use the word for today's#FMF party.... leave... I'm leaving the challenge today.... does that work... hee, hee... I'm feeling giddy... hee, hee

Yipee,  the beep just came on & I'm done.  Not just with this post but with the challenge.  It's been fun.  I've connected with a community that I didn't know existed.  I'm going to have fun catching up & reading all those blogs that I didn't get to.  And for the ones that I connected with,  oh my,  how you have encouraged,  inspired & challenged me.  But most of all,  I've developed a consistency.   I can move on & keep pressing.  I think this deserves a high five!

Throwback Thursday

I'm not sure what Throwback Thursday is in the blogging world.  But I know that when I've seen facebookers do it,  it's when they post an old picture of themselves or their family.  I'm going to use it as a time to look back on this 31 day challenge & my blog.

My coworker,  Beautiful Blond (yup that's what your name is going to be here since I talk about everyone with a nickname) sidled up to me yesterday & lamented, "what's that about day so & so,  you don't blog"... hee, hee.  yup,  my secret life,  my sweet BB.. & so,  I confessed to her that I am a blogger & am all out there for the world to see.

She was impressed since our job consists of following orders all day long.  We have agreed to just smile at each other when we feel like tearing into the front desk.  Anyways,  I digress,  Beautiful Blond says that I'm a good writer.  Ha,  I don't think so,  but that doesn't matter.  And that's what I have learned most from this experience.

After tomorrow,  I will go back to my (hopefully) once a week venting posting.  I will continue on with my word for the year http://myoneword.org/,  which is MOVE (this is one of my throwback) & add on my alliterations when the inspiration is dry.  I will ramble without thinking about a reader.  I will write because I need to get the thoughts out of my head & process the mess.

But I can join the other 31 dayers today & say.... "I am a writer"

Wisdom... ha, ha or maybe Witty Wednesday

Twelve steps Tuesday

I think it's become a habit.  This morning when I was walking the dogs,  I was trying to think of the title of my blog.  I knew I wanted it to be an alliteration & something that I would continue.  But nothing that started with a "t" stuck out to me.  And I became somewhat disappointed knowing that I needed to get a blog done & I wasn't inspired.

This was the start of what could have been a downward spiral for me.  I've been battling a little bit of depression.  And as I continued on with my day,  I was dwelling on the feeling of being alone in my decisions;  of not having anyone to bounce my ideas.  I started to feel unappreciated, inadequate & unlovely.  I felt the urge for Ben & Jerry (something chocolate please) & to watch HGTV (house hunters international intrigues me) See,  what I mean by the spiral down.

And then as I was cleaning off the table,  I caught sight of a note from a friend from a program I went to when I first moved here.  I had promised many that I would seek counseling & grief support.  But I couldn't find anything in my town except Celebrate Recovery.

 I didn't know it was a program for addictions & other habits & hang ups.  I just knew that it met at the Baptist Church & it seemed like a group that I could say,  I kept my promise.

There I found a Bible based program of real... oh wow,  very REAL people who were trying to get out of holes that they dug themselves but hanging on tightly to the hand of Jesus.  They let me cry without judgement that I wasn't trusting God's will.   I felt acceptance where I didn't feel it in any other church setting.  Ironically,  the leaders didn't know what group to put me in,  because they had never had anyone come off the street that said,  I'm grieving & I need to feel okay about it.  

I was placed with the women who were in "bad" relationships.  Who had been abused or abandoned.  Ladies who enabled bad behavior in their men.  Ladies,  who in the years past,  I would never have been able to relate to.  I'm not sure I can relate still,  but they let me cry & express my disappointment with God.  They let me get mad at God & didn't judge.  They gave me love from their own hurts.  And it's just what I needed

Now,  I've been going to a Griefshare group & it's good.  It's what I need to be in NOW.  I'm not sure I could have been accepting of the principles back then.  I was too raw.  I just needed to be loved & told to "work the steps".

Which leads to me to my alliteration today.  The 12 steps are very basic & its what I did today to get me out of my slump.  In a short version,  I had to admit that I was letting negative thought overtake me & had to recognize that God is bigger & decide to believe God.  I read lots of Bible,  especially Psalms & mediated how God keeps me sheltered.  He is my refuge.  And then,  I met with a friend & shared with her what I learned.  And she was encouraged.

This is why,  I'm naming Tues,  my 12 step Tuesday & will continue after the challenge is over

Monday Musing

With all the beauty that surrounds me,  changing colors of the trees,  bright sunlight filtering through the crisp morning & clear fresh air,  I am reminded to be still & take it all in.  Yesterday,  with it being silent Sunday ( I think I will keep this as part of my blog after the challenge is over),  I wanted so much to comment on each picture.  But then it wouldn't have been silent.  So now,  I will reflect.  There is so much to reflect on in the silence.  I loved walking around yesterday with my camera & dog.  My neighborhood is awashed in brillance reds,  orange & yellows. 

Friday on the ride home from school,  my son was sharing about photosynthesis,  chlorphyll & sugar in the trees.  When you break down autumn in scientific terms,  it takes out alot of the emotions.  What my son was telling me about was death & how the trees make it beautiful.

It's incredible to think that all the sweet comes to the surface & the leaves turn color before they fall off the branches & then die.  I have also seen this in the end stages of life.  Your blood pressure goes up.  Your heart is feeling tired.  And your sugar rise to levels that will need to be controlled.  And if you don't get any of these undercontrol,  you will die.  It's what happens to the leaves.

Wow,  how's this for Monday musings?  I may keep this.  I was also thinking Monday motivation or Monday memories.  I really do love alliterations

Silent Sunday

As Paul Harvey would say... "now, for the rest of the story.."

Doing the 5 minute friday was fun.  Actually,  doing this whole 31 day challenge has been fun.  I think it's because I chose to not make it all that deep & thought provoking.  I chose to keep it light & not so vulnerable. 

I surprised myself with what I wrote yesterday.  Most of my posts for the challenge have been from the top of my head not so much from the recesses of my heart.  But yesterday,  I delved into a memory.  And it has me reflecting.

I didn't get a chance to finish my story because the timer went off.  The comments reflected that they didn't know the rest of the story.... as Paul Harvey would say... & to answer the question from one of the comments : Yes,  my whole life has been a dare.  And it has been worth it.

I started this blog to help me process my "new normal" of journeying without the big dare of my life,  my husband.  He died on March 23,  2010;  leaving me with 4 wonderful blessings who needed their Daddy & a mountain of decisions.  I dared to move them to an area which meant they were closer to their Dad's roots & could know him more from relatives & how he was brought up.  But also meant that I was moving away from my own solid support of family, church & school. And I continue to dare to press on. 

As we wind down to the end of this challenge,  I've been wondering what I will incorporate into my blog.  I want to keep the consistency.  I want to continue learning about blogging.  But I want to go back to writing from my heart & not just my head.  I need to in order to become unstuck & untangled.  I want to keep pressing on.

five minute friday

This my first joining with other in a virtual flash mob blog.  I read about it here http://lisajobaker.com/five-minute-friday/ but the party is going on here http://katemotaung.com/five-minute-friday/ the word today is DARE.... so here it is my joining in.... awk... DARE is a special word to me because it was a word that my husband & I use together from the start.  I agree to go on a date with him from a dare from my roommates.  Which was a milestone in the first place because I was at this Institute for Biblical Studies on way to become a missionary & go on daring adventures.  I had given up on the dream of being a wife & mother.  I thought I was picking up a dare from God to just be a little picture in the church phonebook as the missionary overseas.  And then my husband happen & we picked up on the dare.  But I wasn't willing to have babies in the jungle.  Ironically,  I still had my first in a mission rural hospital & I think we were the only in patients there.  And I had my 3rd baby at the urgent care.  Oh my what a dare... oops the timer went off & so,  I need to stop.  phew,  that was hard...

Perfectionism... the unmotivator

I had time to write today,  but again,  I put it off.  I was going to write on motivation again ,  but the way my thoughts were going,  I become very unmotivated.  I realized that this "monster" is probably the number one reason why I don't blog. I want it to be "just right."  I want it to be well thought out.  I want it to flow & transition well  I don't want any spelling or grammar errors.  I don't want to ramble,  I want to be understood.  Now,  that I have 'readers",  I want to present myself in the best light.  I want to be PERFECT.

Is there such a thing?  I have read so many blogs that have shared their imperfect lives & thought; her writing is perfect.  She got her thoughts out of her head... actually she got my thoughts out of my head.  I wish I could blog like that.  And then here comes the next "monster"... comparing myself to what I think is perfect.

I have had to push through these "monsters" to blog everyday.  I have not dwelt among perfectionism because I usually only have spent 20 minutes writing.  Yipee,  I've completed day 23!

Is it a habit after 21 days?

Day 22,  it's late & I"m in bed,  but I can't go to sleep until I've posted.  I'm not sure if it's because it's a habit or because I want to make sure I don't break this consistency streak on my challenge goal.  The truth will be told in the months to come.  My true blogging goal when I first started was to write at least once a week. 

World Series game #1

With this title,  it must seem like I'm going off category... maybe... but the TV is on with the Royals vs Giants & it's what is happening right now.  I'm blogging with it in the background.  Actually,  I was going to write about "what to blog about" today & I had so many ideas.  I didn't know where to start.  Instead of coming up with a blank,  I was overwhelm with so much I wanted to write about.  There is so much to write about,  but I think the best thing is to write about is what is happening in your life right now.  And that's why I've got the world series on.  Even when you write about the past,  it's how you are processing it right now that you blog about.  And when you write about the future,  it's what you are hoping about right now.  As we come to the end to this 31 day challenge,  I'm starting to think what direction am I going to take this blog.  I know I don't want to write about blogging for a long time.  I feel like I've beat this horse almost dead.  But then I have 10 days.... yipee!

K.I.S.S. getting the blog written

I've been pondering why so many have not kept up with the challenge of posting every day in the month of October.  I know for me,  it hasn't been easy,  but it hasn't been all that hard.  I think it's because I know my goal (blog post every day) & I have a plan on how to achieve that goal.  I'm using the K.I.S.S.(keep it simple stupid) system. 

I hope that next October,  I'll be organized with calendar in hand,  knowing what I will be writing.  I want to pick a category where I'll be able to stretch my spiritual disciplines.  I still want to keep it simple,  but I'd like more depth of sharing.

This year,  I just wanted to get in the habit of blogging.  And so,  here is how I've kept it simple.  I'm only writing in my category (though I veer when I write about band competitions... I know).  I do not use more than 1000 words (if that).  I do not spend more than 10-20 minutes writing it.  I make time to blog.

That's it... it's pretty simple

Motivation in blogging, take 2

I wrote this morning before leaving for the band competition & now I'm waiting for the text that says "come pick me up".  It is 12:49AM and I'm not sure what time they will be rolling in since the last text I received said that for placing third,  all 3 buses were stopping at sonic for ice cream. 

Okay,  focus,  blog post motivation... though not sure you won't see a take 3 on this one.  Remember I've been sitting outside on hard football stadium bleachers where it was pleasantly sunny & progressively become COLD.  And then a 3 hour ride home (so grateful I didn't drive).

I've seen many 31 dayers (that's the name of the community who have joined this 31 day challenge) say that they are having a hard time keeping up with the posting.  Weekends have been hard for me.

I've been processing "why" it would be hard for them.  I know for me,  it's hard because the kids schedule take up my weekend hours when I would usually write.  Before this challenge,  what kept me from writing was feeling "unmotivated".  I just didn't "feel" like writing.  And so I wouldn't & hence why I didn't blog during the summer & couldn't get back into the swing of it even after the kids went back to school.

When I approached this challenge,  I knew if I picked a category that seemed technical,  that I wouldn't be encumbered by my feelings.  Plus,  I wanted to explore the world of blogging.  What has helped me the most in my motivation is that I have a clear goal with a set accomplishment & finish date.  My goal is to have posted in my blog every day in the category of blogging,  internet & social media during the month of October.  It's that simple. 

There's more that I've pondering on motivation in blogging,  but that's for another day. (ps,  I'm still waiting for Baby Girl's txt,  but I'd rather be reading a blog than writing one... so I'm stopping),

Motivation in blogging #1

I had planned this topic for yesterday & stumbled upon the 10,000 reasons song & felt that had to go first.  Yesterday,  I had time to write a nice,  well thought essay & I really intended to because I have had lots of thoughts to process through towards motivation in blogging.  But this song had been running through my heart & so I pulled it up before writing.  And I stopped there & had to just listen.  Not just to the song,  but to God & what He was saying to me.  His love,  His Word saying I needed to be blessed & bless.  And so I just sat in front of the computer soaking it in.  I went through my day just soaking it in.  All the while,  thinking that I had time to really blog.  I should write & get it out.  Didn't happen,  but I'm okay with it.
    Today,  not so much time,  I've already dropped Baby Girl off to get on Bus #3 to ride 3 hours to a marching band competition.  I should be making rice krispy treats right now since I didn't get it done last night.  But I'm not that motivated.  The family that I'm catching a ride with always has homemade baked goods (last week pumpkin muffins & sugar cookies) & I'm feeling the compare monster.  So,  I'm not making anything.
   What I am doing is writing about my motivation to blog.  But I've run out of time as I glance at the clock.  I need to run to catch my ride... so... I will write more... wait,  I havent even wrote anything about this... hee, hee... this challenge is really fun.  I mean it.  I'm not being sarcastic.  I'm just happy I got this post in

10,000 reasons/whom shall I fear

SEO? & blog post that go viral

I have so much to learn!  Today, I read a blog http://www.samanthamcgowan.com/2014/10/16/reasons-to-comment-on-blogs/#comment-893 that taught me about SEO. To quote from her: Search engine optimization (SEO) is how Google ranks websites on their page when someone types into their search bar. This is daunting & I'm a bit fearful what I've stepped into as I entered the world of blogging.
    I was having a conversation with SweetPea & she asked if I wanted to have my blog go viral.  Again,  I have so much to learn.  I asked,  why would I want it to go viral?  This dialog was after I had written my post about "readership" (I should be able to put a linky thing to that post,  but I don't feel like learning that today).  Yes,  I do want to help change the world.... but I don't know if I really want to go the way of Ebola & spread where I'm not wanted.
   I don't see myself as an aspiring writer.  I've never wanted to write a book.  I just have children that I want to pass my heart to.  I have thoughts that need processing.  I need accountablity.  I need consistency.  I need community.  I've joined the blogging world & have found that.  So,  like it or not,  I may someday go "viral" because I have touch a chord of our world that needs to be heard.  I am a blogger,  hear me roar!

Wordless Wednesday, I love FALL

Wordlessness

The kids are at school.  The windows are closed (it's chilly out & AUTUMN is finally here).  And the only sounds that I hear is the hum of the refridgerator & the clacking as I type.  It's quiet.  I like it.... sigh (the contented kind!).
     I've been asked,  what I thought of posts that are just pictures.  I think they are fantastic. I love pictures.  I'm planning on it tomorrow... Wordless Wednesday.  I might even have a Silent Sunday. 
    Sometimes,  there are no words to the thoughts I want to convey.  Sometimes,  I just want to share what I'm feeling & I don't really know how.  But a picture will do it.  A picture of a teardrop sliding down a face. Or a photo of a small hand holding out fresh picked dandelions. 
    During my husband's memorial,  it was the wordless hugs that meant the most to me.  The friends who could sit with me & not feel uncomfortable with the silence were the ones who I knew I could count on.  There is something very powerful in "wordlessness".
  

Choice #2

I don't know what to write about tonight.  I know that I want to post.  I know that my category is blogging & social media.  I know I have lots of choices on what to focus on.  But none of it sounds appealing to me.  I don't really feel like writing right now.  But the motivation of the challenge keeps me moving (my word of 2014... hmm,  I should revisit this during my 31 days) & pressing on.  Yay,  I will have made my 13 consecutive day post.  This is my choice for today.

an·o·nym·i·ty

I'm finding it funny that I'm writing on this & I don't even know how to spell or much less pronounce it.  Here is the definition that I found

an·o·nym·i·ty

noun \ˌa-nə-ˈni-mə-tē\

: the quality or state of being unknown to most people : the quality or state of being anonymous

plural an·o·nym·i·ties

Full Definition of ANONYMITY

1

:  the quality or state of being anonymous

2

:  one that is anonymous

See anonymity defined for English-language learners »

See anonymity defined for kids »

Examples of ANONYMITY

1. They are trying to protect their child's anonymity.
2. She enjoyed the anonymity of life in a large city.

First Known Use of ANONYMITY

1820

Related to ANONYMITY

Synonyms

obscurity, facelessness, namelessness, nowhere, nowheresville, silence

Yipee,  it worked.  I'm trying to learn how to do something new each time I post & I did it... but that's for another post.  This is about why making this blog with anonymity.  

    When I first started this blog,  it was with the intent of writing about my grief journey.  My kids implored me to leave them out of it,  but they are such a big part of my life.  I couldn't leave them out.  So,  they said,  only if I didn't mention their names or post their pictures.  I thought I could do it,  but it's hard.  There is so much I want to write about how well they are doing.  

    But I have another friend who went public with her blog & has kept her family anonymous & it's been fun to read.  And reading hers has been encouraging.  Now,  if I could just figure out how to link hers to mine... in any case,  here is her blog http://mostlytoday.blogspot.com/ or http://mostlytoday.blogspot.com/

  Would love to have comments on what readers or bloggers think of anonymity.

Answering Questions: pictures?

On my personal facebook page,  I had several questions to help me stay focused on the 31 day challenge.  Here is the first:

Do you think that a blog post should include images or do pictures distract from the message?

I love when pictures are used because I think the saying "a pictures says more than a thousand words" (did I get that right?) is not a cliche but the truth.  Plus,  I love looking at images & pictures.  I love taking pictures.  I love looking for just the right image to go with what I'm trying to convey.

Ironically,  this post will not have any pictures (done intentionally!) because I don't believe that every post needs a picture or that there is a picture for every post. I think that on some post pictures may distract... & I'm thinking this may be one of them.... hee, hee

Commenting

This is the first time that real people have commented on my blog.  It's a bit daunting & exihilirating to think actual people are reading what I have to say.  It has changed the way I'm writing.  It's no longer just for me.  I'm in not the only reader.  Thank you all who have read.  I know not all of you are commenting ( I can see the numbers of "hits" I've gotten on each post).  I'd appreciate if you do comment.  The ones who have are encouraging,  even if they aren't in agreement.  They've helped me know what my readers (& I'm including myself in this) need. It isn't hard,  so go ahead & type a few words there in the comment section.  Thanks for taking the time & having a conversation

Birthday blog

Today is my birthday & I was going to veer from my chosen category of blogging,  but as I was planning it in my head,  I saw it coming together as still a "blog" learning post.  Birthday blog,  what an great example of an alliteration & this is what I'm going to explore today.

 I have always loved a good 3 point alliteration sermon.  So easy to follow & remember during the week until the next Sunday sermon.  And I have noticed that some bloggers use alliteration to title their days.  I see the wisdom in this as it keeps the focus.  I have thought after the 31 day challenge is over that I still want to keep up the habit of blogging daily.  I'm thinking that naming my days will help me.  I've been mulling over making Sunday... silent... where I just post pictures.  Monday would be motivation or memory.  Alot of people,  have Tuesday be throwback... not sure what that means.  Wednesday will be wacky.  Thursday,  oh was this the Throwback day (still don't know what that is).  Friday is five minutes of writing.  And Saturday will be story.  Anyways,  if any of my readers (after yesterday's blog,  I'm starting to feel like maybe I do have a readership),  have any suggestions to my day's alliterations,  I'm open for suggestions.  Next year,  if I do the challenge again,  I'm thinking of doing 31 blessings.

We sang 'count your blessings,  name them one by one" last Sunday & I had this epiphany.  But even if I don't pick up the gaunlet,  I'm going to write a Birthday blessings blog next year on this date... it's a plan.  It will be a start of a good tradition.