I'm back 2020, starting somewhere

I don't know where to begin,  but there is so much happening right now & I need to journal.  My hand starts to cramp when I write with pen & paper.  So,  here I am,  back,  but how do I start?  There must be a starting point... this is it... & now this is....

Journal, my 2018 word

don't worry about your handwriting

So,  I return to blogging after more than a year because my word.. JOURNAL.  I actually came back yesterday because I was looking if I had left my word for 2017 here.  I didn't & I still haven't found where I wrote it down,  but I'm thinking it was FOCUS.  Last year seemed to be about trying to make things that were blurry to clear.  It was about prioritizing & reclaiming.  2017 was a good year.  But I would like 2018 to be better by being able to remember it.  And this comes for me by journaling.

I had been praying about my word since the challenge was set before me by my friends on facebook.  I was thinking maybe I'd skip this year just because nothing was standing out as I was praying except that I wanted to make sure I journaled more.  And then,  it struck me that JOURNAL could be my word even though it didn't fit the recipe of what others were doing. It resonated with me and that's all that matters.

I have had diaries in the past.  One where I've wrote out my angst & almost cringe when I go back & read them.  I known people who have burned those books & felt freedom of release as they watch the ashes float into the air.  If I could find them,  maybe I would do that too.  But I also think there is lessons to be learned from those experiences.  And who knows if future generations find them,  maybe they will gain. 

I have journal through many ways & perhaps the most fulfilling have been with my scrapbooking.  My creative juices flowed with the pretty papers & stickers.  But it was in the pictures of my kids & all their experiences that made it worth it.  I'd like to do this again,  but not sure if I want to get wrapped up in the perfectionism of it.  I do want to get the digital memories into the physical,  but not sure just how yet. 

I have been having fun with social media & keeping up with my kids.  I made a public instagram & will link this blog to it later.  It's been fun to make short points of views.  But I've also kept the my other account & have been respectful of my kids wishes & kept them private.

I've recognized that I don't have a "following" but tried to write for my kids to be an audience.  If anyone else can gain from my journaling than they can.  But I mostly write for me & getting it out makes me happy.

I do have LOTS of other journals that I'm going to keep current.  I have letter journals to a special friend from nursing school & my girls going to university in other parts of the country.  These are books that we send via snail mail where we write our letters to each other in.  The ones to the girls are mostly questions from me & then they answer back.  Questions like: how is your semester going,  who is your favorite professor?  It gives them a place to put their memories since in this digital age,  I doubt they save.  Plus,  I'm hoping someday,  seeing my handwriting makes them smile.  I also try to include little snippets of wisdom.  With one of my girls,  I also,  have included cards & pictures that I have grabbed from her social media.  She was quite surprised that I did that.  The one to my friend has been going for years.  It's nice to have it in one place & not just be tossed & lost.

I also,  have a journal which I first wrote in of my grief journey.  I haven't written in it for awhile,  but I've stuck quotes & excerpts from books,  that I don't want to lose.  I don't want this experience to get lost by not being able to remember lessons learned..... I wrote that earlier.

Lastly,  I spent most of my journalling last year in calendars.  I guess this is where the focus... ha, ha playing with my one word of 2017.  I needed to feel that I accomplished something during the day,  so I would write it down in the calendar that I kept by my bedside. I tried to do this every night.  So,  I'm going to continue this good habit.  I,  also,  have a little calendar,  that I've been putting stickers & cut out images in.  This just makes it fun to go back & look at how wonderfully full the year has been. 

Bullet calendaring has also intrigued me & I see it as a really fun way to journal.  Hmmm,  let me see if I can add a link,  just so I can reference it in the future https://www.bohoberry.com/bullet-journal-update/ I'd really like to work on my drawing & doodling skills. 

All this journaling will be therapy for me.  And this year,  I really want to work on my.  I'm not sure about the reinventing,  but the growing part for sure.  The growing for the better.  The resetting for the working & functioning better.

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Writing again

So,  I begin again.  And that's okay. 

Be kind, have courage & all will be well with a little bit of magic

Have courage & be kind,  that is the big statement of the newest Cinderella movie Disney

found this in my draft folder & it belongs... so will publish.  I wonder if it will be posted to 2016

Courage, learning from the Lion

 I've been reflecting upon the character of the Cowardly lion in the movie The Wizard of Oz & feeling a bit like him.  It seems like he covered up alot of his imperfections with humor.  I do that.  It seems like he cowers at little things & jumps at his own shadow.  I do that too.  But he also had it in him when push comes to shove. I hope I do that  At the end of the movie,  he learns that he had the courage he had been seeking as he journeyed with Dorothy & the other "seeking" characters.  It wasn't the "medal" that gave him courage,  but the love in his heart for the others.  He had it in him the whole time.

Courage, learns the "Cowardly Lion"  is something without which we can have no real self esteem, pride or power, and must ultimately come from within rather than without. He is so guilt-ridden and ashamed of his own fear, anxiety and perceived cowardice that he cannot recognize his innate courage as he bravely accompanies Dorothy and Toto to see the Wizard of Oz. As he is finally wisely counseled by the Wizard, fear, fleeing and inaction is not necessarily to be equated with cowardice. For, as the saying goes, "Discretion can often be the better part of valor."  Sometimes it takes more courage to tactically back away from a confrontation than to mindlessly attack. To stand down rather than further escalate a treacherous crisis. Part of wisdom is knowing when to do which. To be able to consciously pick and choose our battles rather than unconsciously or impulsively reacting. And a major part of wisdom is knowing where true wisdom lies & where to get it.  And that's from God who gives generously (James 1:5)

I choose courage

Birthday blog 2015

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This picture is what held me back during the 31 day challenge.  I had in my plans that since I had put a picture of my birthday cake during the last challenge,  I wanted to carry it forward & make a consistent blog on birthday.  I don't remember fully what I was going to say,  but I got caught up in the details of perfectionism & couldn't get past the obstacle of not having things go MY way.  And so,  I just dropped it,  ignored it & let drop, what I thought was the perfect idea for the 31 day challenge.  It makes me sad a bit.  But I think I'm going to put the idea on the shelf,  continue to look at it,  mull over the "dailys" & pick it up & do it again come October.  This time,  I'll be ready & have the pictures stored in my cache.  I'm sure that something else will keep me from it,  but maybe because my 2016 word is COURAGE that I'll be battle-ready to overcome the obstacles.  I feel like I'm doing so well by finishing this draft & posting it today because it won't be perfect.  It won't be how I had planned.  But it means that I'm letting that go.  It means I'm completing this task & starting again.  It means I've dusted myself off from falling (or my perceived failing) & moving forward.  I am starting to see how this word does fit with my other two.  I'm getting excited about blogging again.  YIPEE!!!

My 2016 word: COURAGE

I've been praying for my word since the 31 day challenge & this verse kept coming to my mind.  It didn't really fit my other words... MOVE... FORWARD.... but it's what God has laid on my heart & so,  Courage it is.  Oh my,  just by knowing this is the word,  I feel a bit fearful for what this year may have in store.  I pray that I will have the strength to make the courageous choices.  Lord,  thank you for this word.  Thank you that I do not have to be afraid or discouraged.  Most of all THANK YOU that YOU will be with me wherever I go.

Welcome each new day

Yipee,  it worked... so,  in my last post where I wrote about how I'm making this challenge about blogging & not about having to write daily.  I said that I was going to move forward by catching up today & writing a bunch of posts.  But first,  I have to be excited that the pictures all came through.  This was my big hold up & why I hadn't blogged for awhile (well aside from taking birthday trips & band competitions & Baby Girl's senior recognition that I was part of a 3 member committee... my life can be too full).  I got stuck on wanting to put pictures.  I actually had planned some pictures with the thought of the "daily"s but then I couldn't figure out how to put them in the storage place of blogger. I wanted to be personal & not just get free images for this blog.  I really couldn't figure out how to get the pictures off my phone.  Still haven't,  but I really only had one on there that I wanted for the blog & that's the one of my birthday cake & I finally asked one of my daughters to download it for me.  But well,  now,  I can just welcome this new day & go FORWARD from here.

Thank you Lord,  that your mercies never cease & they are new every morning

 

Timer is my friend

I have missed a whole week of this challenge of blogging every day.  And it wasn't writer's block that had me stopped.  And it wasn't even my usual distractions,  but it's because I wanted to write a birthday blog around my day of honor & I couldn't figure out how to load the picture of this year's cake.  Stupid reason,  but it's what stopped me this time.  I seem to always have "stuff" that keeps me from doing what I'm suppose to do.  Most of the time,  it's because I can get so unfocus on the goal & get caught up in the details (like wanting to have the picture because I had the one of last year's cake),  And so,  that is why I'm saying the timer is my friend.  This is a new timer that I bought for myself just recently.  The other timers in this house have been absconded for piano practice or cooking (which is really what they are for anyways).  I need the timer to bring me back into focus.  The little ding (though this one rings quite annoyingly) snaps me out of my distraction.  I also use it to keep on a task.  If I break up a task in 15 minute increments,  I'm most likely to accomplish it.  If it's too daunting,  I become overwhelmed & just give up.  And so,  the timer is my friend,  daily, 
          I'm going to have a catch up day today as I write several blogs so I can try to make it daily.  I'm thinking that this challenge is more about making it a priority to blog,  than for me to stick to the duty of daily.  And so,  it's in moving FORWARD... & almost starting over.  Maybe,  it's more like picking myself up & continuing.  I'm thinking that continue may be my word for next year,  but well,  I digress & that's for another day & another blog.

Pray daily

Actually,  it should be praying moment by moment,  with every breath.  This post was suppose to be for Sunday.  And well,  I'm late & the challenge is about blogging every day.  I'm going to try to write every day.  And if I don't make it,  then I will write 2 blogs, the next day.  I've been reading how alot of bloggers doing the challenge are asking about the "rules". There are no rules.   I'm seeing this as a personal challenge.  It's what you make it & what you commit yourself to do.  I've committed to blog.  I've committed to get my words out of my head & to be encouraged.  And so,  here is my pray daily post that I had committed to do for one of the Sundays in October.

   In the morning devotions that I've been doing with Brother,  we learn what it means to Spiritually breathe.  It's an example that I first learn when I was in college.  It's a powerful analogy.  Anyways,  EXALE means to get rid of the bad air.  Spiritually speaking it means confessing my sins.  It's realizing that it's only with God's forgiveness that I can live & INHALE the good.  Spiritually,  that means to accept God's forgiveness.  Accept the sacrifice of Christ's death on the cross for my sins.  Receive the cleansing power of the Holy Spirit so that I can live.  This is real prayer,  one where it's the breath I take.  Oh,  I love that song,  it's Breathe,  by Micheal W. Smith.  That's what prayer should be like,  breathing.

 

This is the air I breathe
This is the air I breathe
Your holy presence living in me

This is my daily bread
This is my daily bread
Your very word spoken to me

And I I'm desperate for you
And I I'm I'm lost without you

This is the air I breathe
This is the air I breathe
Your holy presence living in me

This is my daily bread
this is my daily bread
your very word spoken to me

And I'm, I'm desperate for you
And I'm, I'm lost without you

And I'm desperate for you
And I'm, I'm lost without you.

I'm lost without you.

I'm lost without you.

I'm desperate for you.

(Cry out to live)

I'm desperate for you..

I'm lost, I'm lost, I'm lost without you..
I'm lost without you

I'm desperate for you

(How many of you are hungry for God?)

(I want more of Him. Who wants the flood gates to open up?)         
                                                                         

rest daily

thank you free image that wants to sell this hammock

 It's all about balance.  So,  here is my post about rest because it follows play daily. Rest is not all about sleep (though I think that is what my post will be about tomorrow)  One of these days,  I'll buy a hammock to relax in.  That's what resting is... relaxing.  I love how in this picture the girl has her feet up & there is laundry waiting for her.  My work daily post was about that... laundry.  But anyways,  I digress.  Rest is about taking a break,  not just from work but from play as well.  It's about putting your feet up & clearing your mind.  Sometimes,  it does lead to sleeping.  But most of the time,  it's when you can just breathe & feel peace.  This doesn't happen enough for me.  Most of the time,  I fill up the empty time slots with activity.  Yes,  sometimes,  the activity is restful (like reading or watching tv) but I need to just rest & relax to have peace daily.

play daily

This post comes naturally after yesterday's post on work.  There is a saying that balance of your time is: 8 hours work,  8 hours play & 8 hours sleep (or rest).  So,  yup,  yesterday blog was about work,  so,  now I should write about play.  Though after taking a nap this morning (it was storming throughout the night & I didn't get much sleep).  I should write about the rest.  But no,  I wanted to write about play.  Because it's my birthday & I want today to be about play

So,  I picked this free image because it's about playing & it's my birthday so there... I'm enjoying

work daily

It's Thursday,  that means it's wash sheets day (you can read about it HERE).  It's also day 8 of this challenge & I've already missed one.  But,  I'm not stressing.  I'm moving FORWARD (love that this is my word for the year,  see about it HERE)  I just got off the phone with my neighbor who asked me if I was working today.  And I laughingly said,  "I work everyday".  I knew she meant if I was going into the office.  I knew she meant the "work" that pays me to be there.  I knew... but I wanted her to acknowledge the stuff that I don't get paid for is work too.

I had this post all written in my head yesterday.  I was going to write about my job that I go to on Monday & Wednesdays.  I was going to write about how I got it.  That it was a God providing kind of thing.  And that's how that is a daily.  But,  since I got distracted & didn't write it DOWN.... I just have to go FORWARD.  I guess,  I have to mull it over,  ponder it some more & write about it later in the month.

In the meantime,  I've got to work.. there is laundry to do

thank you cliparthut for this free image

daily distractions #1

It's morning & I just realized that I didn't post yesterday.  What's ironic is that I brought my computer to bed with me (not a usual habit,  one that I don't want to keep) with every intention of blogging.  But,  Superstar in college had texted that her roommate had booked her flight home for Christmas break & that I should "help" her do that too.  So,  I thought I'd just look at the prices & that ate up all the time that I set aside to blog.  Funny thing is that I had an idea in the morning,  but I had to get ready for work.  Funny thing,  I thought about it during the day,  formulating my outline & what I wanted to share.  Funny thing is when I started to yawn & saw the clock on my bedside table said 11:30pm,  I turned the computer off & went to sleep. It wasn't really that funny when my body clock went off & I got up to use the bathroom,  I almost stepped on my laptop.  And that's when I realized I had been distracted from my purpose last night.  I should have wrote that blog first then looked up airlines.  I get so distracted from my goals sometimes.  I have a feeling that not writing everyday is going to happen more than once this month.  And so,  this is daily distraction #1, moving forward

paying bills, sigh...

It's Tues.  And my day off.  I have scheduled to do the bills on Tues,  but it's something that I stress about daily.  Because,  doing the bills isn't just about opening the envelopes & writing the checks.  No,  that stopped when my husband died.  He was the provider of the family & the bill payer.  I am the comsumer that he use to try to teach to be more organized & budget conscience.  We went to the Dave Ramsey class & I know what I'm suppose to do,  but knowledge & doing are not the same things.  Especially,  when the bills keep coming & the disorganization becomes chaos.  Bill paying now is juggling.  Who do I pay first?  When does the benefits check come in?  What can wait?  Can I work extra to add to the incoming?  It's about choices & being organized.  I struggle in the clutter.  This is my daily.  This is my Tues

my morning constitution

I will add pictures later because I actually took the time to take them in anticipation of this post.  Remember,  I wrote about taking pictures of my toilet.  Yup,  that's today's daily.  Nope,  I don't have to write this on the list to do.  My body urges me without any prompting.  Sometimes, when I'm not ready & sometimes not enough.  I remember when I was younger (oh so much younger),  I worked with the elderly & there was a certain gentleman who walked the halls early in the morning.  I asked him,  "why?" & he would not be deterred as he continued by me answering,  "I've got to get my morning constitution".   I really had no idea what he was talking about,  so I asked the nurse & she just laughed at me & said,  "he's getting his body moving".  I didn't want to be disrespectful,  but I wanted to say, "duh,  I can see that for myself as he is walking around the halls,  moving his body".  But now that I'm older & I've been told by my doctor that it would be wise to get more fiber in my diet,  I know what "morning constitution" is... & it's part of my daily.

the B-I-B-L-E

thank you media cache & whoever pinned this on pinterest
Thankfully,  the one on my table isn't as dusty!

It's Sunday morning & time to get ready for church.  The Bible sits by my bed,  but it's not the one that I bring to church.  I need to find that one.  I need to read this one, FIRST.  This is a daily that needs to be more of a daily.  I need to read God's word as His love letter to me.

thank you free images I'm giving credit

Early on in my   dating relationship with my husband,  we were in different states.  It was before emailing was prevalent & so we relied heavily on the postal service.  Of course,  we talked on the phone every day.  But it was those letters that really caught my heart.  I would anxious wait for the mail & tear into the envelope when it arrived.  Then,  I'd read it quickly.  Then,  I'd read it slowly.  Then I read it again before stacking it with the others.  Sometimes,  before putting them away,  I'd read all of them,  in order of their arrival.

 Pretty sappy,  but they were my physical signs of affection from the heart of the one who said he loved me & who I loved.  It was my link to the one who was so far away.  It was something,  I could touch & hold on to when I would start to doubt our relationship.  They were true love letters.

There is a TRUE love letter that I forget about & that's the Bible.  I don't want to forget this daily.  I don't want to relegate it to the shelf.  I want it opened & messy from the daily wear & tear of constant use.  Oh Lord,  help me to remember...

Read a blog, be encouraged, love this daily

thank you red sea holiday for this stock photo

It's Saturday, day 3 of the challenge & I'm scrambling a bit because I really should be getting ready to go to Baby Girl's band competition (I still have an hour until the house wakes up but I haven't packed the "stuff" yet that I usually pack the night before, but we had the highschool football game to go to... yada, yada, yada). And so, I started this morning with a bit of reading others who are doing the challenge. Oh my, I am so encouraged to be joining this community. This is part of why I LOVE this challenge. Frankly, I thought I'd just be reading this year. But I had a prompting of the heart that said, write, you need to WRITE. But I don't know how to write. I certainly don't know how to blog. Nobody reads my stuff. And so I was going to just read other people's stuff.

thank you media cache

 The stirring in my heart wouldn't go away. Seriously,  I didn't want to do it.  I didn't feel like writing & I know myself enough to know that if I didn't FEEL it,  I wouldn't endure the challenge when it got hard.  So, I put a condition on it. I wouldn't do this challenge unless a "good" prompt came to mind, unless, it was something that would be easy for me to write about on the fly. Unless,  it was something fun.   And so, the prayer went up & stayed tuck away for 2 weeks. Then bam, it hit me while doing my "to do" list (for that story you can read my intro ). I, still didn't want to do it, but when I took the dogs on a walk, all these ideas & different blog post came into my mind. And then, when I got home, I started taking pictures of some of the "daily"s. And it's going to be fun. I had alot of fun doing them (you should have seen me setting up the picture of the toilet.. hee, hee). And that's when it hit me. I'm going to join the 31 day write challenge. I'm going to have fun & not stress. I'm going to read so that I can think better.  I'm going to read my own stuff & really that's all that matters to this blogging stuff. 

So,  anyways,  I didn't have any pictures of me reading (maybe I'll get one of my kids to take one later & add it here, but even if I don't, I'm NOT going to stress about it).  So,  I searched free images of ladies reading.  Ha, ha that was fun,  I did think of putting one with beautiful tan legs sitting by a pool with a book open was fun.  But I did choose one the closest that looked like me (NOT).  Well,  I do have a straw hat like that... hee, hee. 

blog button

I have not really signed up for the challenge because I haven't made my blog button yet.  But I will not be daunted.  It will not defeat me.  I looked it up on google.  I have the image & graphics ready.  But when I go to create it.  It shows error.  I have a feeling that my computer is too old & outdated to support the service sites.  That's okay.  I was planning a trip to the library today.  I will get on the computer there.  Sigh,  I have to pay my overdue fine first.  Oh well,  had to take care of that sometime.  This is why, I have to make sure I do the "daily"s because I get so sidetrack by these "once in awhile"s.  This is why, I make "to do" list with things I've already done in the day,  just so I feel accomplished & can have something to cross off.  This is why, I need the God of the Universe to order my day, because when I try to be in control,  I just mess everything up & it's lacking peace.  This is why my favorite Bible verses are Lamentations 3:22-23

31 day challenge 2015 landing page

I wasn't sure I was going to take up the challenge this year because I lacked inspiration & motivation.  But last week,  I was working on my to do list for the day & laughing at myself for writing things that I do daily.  These things do not have to be written down.  They get done (most of the time) even when they are NOT written down.  I think I write them down just to have something to cross off.  And I started to think about all the things that I do daily & wondered if I had 31 of them,  so "wa-la" inspiration was born & the motivation was there... then... but now it's October 1 & I'm just making this landing page without any direction or plan.  Actually,  I don't even know if I'm making this right.  I tried making a "button",  but that got frustrating.  But I feel like I'm letting myself down by not doing this challenge.  And so here I am moving FORWARD... I"m planning on coming back to this post (if I've made it right) & adding the linkys (is this the right term).  So,  I'm coming back every time & adding my post for the day,  I still am not sure if I'm doing it right.  But I'm trying & enduring & perservering!

Day 1 31-day-challenge-2015-landing-page
Day 2 blog-button
Day 3 read-blog-be-encouraged-love-this-daily
Day 4 the B-I-B-L-E
Day 5 my-morning-constitution
Day 6 paying-bills-sigh
Day 7 daily-distractions-1
Day 8 work-daily
Day 9 play-daily
Day 10 rest-daily
Day 11 pray-daily
Day 12 welcome-each-new-day
Day 13
Day 14
Day 15
Day 16
Day 17
Day 18
Day 19
Day 20 timer-is-my-friend
Day 21
Day 22
Day 23
Day 24
Day 25
Day 26
Day 27
Day 28
Day 29
Day 30
Day 31