paying bills, sigh...

It's Tues.  And my day off.  I have scheduled to do the bills on Tues,  but it's something that I stress about daily.  Because,  doing the bills isn't just about opening the envelopes & writing the checks.  No,  that stopped when my husband died.  He was the provider of the family & the bill payer.  I am the comsumer that he use to try to teach to be more organized & budget conscience.  We went to the Dave Ramsey class & I know what I'm suppose to do,  but knowledge & doing are not the same things.  Especially,  when the bills keep coming & the disorganization becomes chaos.  Bill paying now is juggling.  Who do I pay first?  When does the benefits check come in?  What can wait?  Can I work extra to add to the incoming?  It's about choices & being organized.  I struggle in the clutter.  This is my daily.  This is my Tues

my morning constitution

I will add pictures later because I actually took the time to take them in anticipation of this post.  Remember,  I wrote about taking pictures of my toilet.  Yup,  that's today's daily.  Nope,  I don't have to write this on the list to do.  My body urges me without any prompting.  Sometimes, when I'm not ready & sometimes not enough.  I remember when I was younger (oh so much younger),  I worked with the elderly & there was a certain gentleman who walked the halls early in the morning.  I asked him,  "why?" & he would not be deterred as he continued by me answering,  "I've got to get my morning constitution".   I really had no idea what he was talking about,  so I asked the nurse & she just laughed at me & said,  "he's getting his body moving".  I didn't want to be disrespectful,  but I wanted to say, "duh,  I can see that for myself as he is walking around the halls,  moving his body".  But now that I'm older & I've been told by my doctor that it would be wise to get more fiber in my diet,  I know what "morning constitution" is... & it's part of my daily.

the B-I-B-L-E

thank you media cache & whoever pinned this on pinterest
Thankfully,  the one on my table isn't as dusty!

It's Sunday morning & time to get ready for church.  The Bible sits by my bed,  but it's not the one that I bring to church.  I need to find that one.  I need to read this one, FIRST.  This is a daily that needs to be more of a daily.  I need to read God's word as His love letter to me.

thank you free images I'm giving credit

Early on in my   dating relationship with my husband,  we were in different states.  It was before emailing was prevalent & so we relied heavily on the postal service.  Of course,  we talked on the phone every day.  But it was those letters that really caught my heart.  I would anxious wait for the mail & tear into the envelope when it arrived.  Then,  I'd read it quickly.  Then,  I'd read it slowly.  Then I read it again before stacking it with the others.  Sometimes,  before putting them away,  I'd read all of them,  in order of their arrival.

 Pretty sappy,  but they were my physical signs of affection from the heart of the one who said he loved me & who I loved.  It was my link to the one who was so far away.  It was something,  I could touch & hold on to when I would start to doubt our relationship.  They were true love letters.

There is a TRUE love letter that I forget about & that's the Bible.  I don't want to forget this daily.  I don't want to relegate it to the shelf.  I want it opened & messy from the daily wear & tear of constant use.  Oh Lord,  help me to remember...

Read a blog, be encouraged, love this daily

thank you red sea holiday for this stock photo

It's Saturday, day 3 of the challenge & I'm scrambling a bit because I really should be getting ready to go to Baby Girl's band competition (I still have an hour until the house wakes up but I haven't packed the "stuff" yet that I usually pack the night before, but we had the highschool football game to go to... yada, yada, yada). And so, I started this morning with a bit of reading others who are doing the challenge. Oh my, I am so encouraged to be joining this community. This is part of why I LOVE this challenge. Frankly, I thought I'd just be reading this year. But I had a prompting of the heart that said, write, you need to WRITE. But I don't know how to write. I certainly don't know how to blog. Nobody reads my stuff. And so I was going to just read other people's stuff.

thank you media cache

 The stirring in my heart wouldn't go away. Seriously,  I didn't want to do it.  I didn't feel like writing & I know myself enough to know that if I didn't FEEL it,  I wouldn't endure the challenge when it got hard.  So, I put a condition on it. I wouldn't do this challenge unless a "good" prompt came to mind, unless, it was something that would be easy for me to write about on the fly. Unless,  it was something fun.   And so, the prayer went up & stayed tuck away for 2 weeks. Then bam, it hit me while doing my "to do" list (for that story you can read my intro ). I, still didn't want to do it, but when I took the dogs on a walk, all these ideas & different blog post came into my mind. And then, when I got home, I started taking pictures of some of the "daily"s. And it's going to be fun. I had alot of fun doing them (you should have seen me setting up the picture of the toilet.. hee, hee). And that's when it hit me. I'm going to join the 31 day write challenge. I'm going to have fun & not stress. I'm going to read so that I can think better.  I'm going to read my own stuff & really that's all that matters to this blogging stuff. 

So,  anyways,  I didn't have any pictures of me reading (maybe I'll get one of my kids to take one later & add it here, but even if I don't, I'm NOT going to stress about it).  So,  I searched free images of ladies reading.  Ha, ha that was fun,  I did think of putting one with beautiful tan legs sitting by a pool with a book open was fun.  But I did choose one the closest that looked like me (NOT).  Well,  I do have a straw hat like that... hee, hee. 

blog button

I have not really signed up for the challenge because I haven't made my blog button yet.  But I will not be daunted.  It will not defeat me.  I looked it up on google.  I have the image & graphics ready.  But when I go to create it.  It shows error.  I have a feeling that my computer is too old & outdated to support the service sites.  That's okay.  I was planning a trip to the library today.  I will get on the computer there.  Sigh,  I have to pay my overdue fine first.  Oh well,  had to take care of that sometime.  This is why, I have to make sure I do the "daily"s because I get so sidetrack by these "once in awhile"s.  This is why, I make "to do" list with things I've already done in the day,  just so I feel accomplished & can have something to cross off.  This is why, I need the God of the Universe to order my day, because when I try to be in control,  I just mess everything up & it's lacking peace.  This is why my favorite Bible verses are Lamentations 3:22-23

31 day challenge 2015 landing page

I wasn't sure I was going to take up the challenge this year because I lacked inspiration & motivation.  But last week,  I was working on my to do list for the day & laughing at myself for writing things that I do daily.  These things do not have to be written down.  They get done (most of the time) even when they are NOT written down.  I think I write them down just to have something to cross off.  And I started to think about all the things that I do daily & wondered if I had 31 of them,  so "wa-la" inspiration was born & the motivation was there... then... but now it's October 1 & I'm just making this landing page without any direction or plan.  Actually,  I don't even know if I'm making this right.  I tried making a "button",  but that got frustrating.  But I feel like I'm letting myself down by not doing this challenge.  And so here I am moving FORWARD... I"m planning on coming back to this post (if I've made it right) & adding the linkys (is this the right term).  So,  I'm coming back every time & adding my post for the day,  I still am not sure if I'm doing it right.  But I'm trying & enduring & perservering!

Day 1 31-day-challenge-2015-landing-page
Day 2 blog-button
Day 3 read-blog-be-encouraged-love-this-daily
Day 4 the B-I-B-L-E
Day 5 my-morning-constitution
Day 6 paying-bills-sigh
Day 7 daily-distractions-1
Day 8 work-daily
Day 9 play-daily
Day 10 rest-daily
Day 11 pray-daily
Day 12 welcome-each-new-day
Day 13
Day 14
Day 15
Day 16
Day 17
Day 18
Day 19
Day 20 timer-is-my-friend
Day 21
Day 22
Day 23
Day 24
Day 25
Day 26
Day 27
Day 28
Day 29
Day 30
Day 31

Independence day 2015, year 5

Early this morning,  I hung out the flag.  It's become a tradition since we moved here.  The other houses we lived in didn't have a flag holder but we had always intended to put one up.  So,  now this is part of our new normal.  A new family tradition to hang the flag out,  in front of our house,  on the 4th of July.

Our old normal,  consisted of going to Family Camp.  A week long church retreat that catered to the whole family & would be around the 4th of July.  It was a  long tradition of many families.  Friends,  who were like family to us,  who we only saw during that one week.  It was a highlight of the year for our family.

 We would have an old fashion parade where kids would decorate their bikes & scooters with red, white & blue ribbon.  And of course there was a marching band,  that everyone who ever had anything to do with an instrument (even if it had been 10 years since they graduated from highschool band as it had been for my husband) was invited & cajoled into participating.  One year,  there was a boy who marched playing a violin.  I miss Family Camp & all that it meant.  I pray that the memories won't fade but will live in our hearts forever.

And now we have new traditions.  The kids are involved in historical reenactments & have learned how to fire old war artillery.  We,  also,  party with our new church family.  Playing typical picnic games like 3 legged races & watermelon rolls.  But perhaps the most fun,  is shooting our own fireworks.  This was prohibited in the state we use to live in.  Now,  in this new normal,  I volunteer at the firework stand & sell them to raise money for the band (oh, the joys of public school). 

New normal isn't so bad when I think of these things.  Yes,  I miss the old normal,  but this is part of moving forward.  It would have happened even if Daddy hadn't died as we would have seen the kids parting to make their own traditions & gain their independence.

As I reflect on my own new normal & this independence that I've been thrust into.  I can say that I'm pretty proud of myself.  I've had to make so many major decisions as part of being "head of the household".  I've done so many things that I use to let my husband (& before him,  my own Dad) do because those where things that husbands & Dads do.  For instance,  last year,  one of the side trees needed to be trimmed because it was blocking the view of the street when backing out of the garage.  This year with all the rain,  I'm thinking that if I don't get the big limbs cut that they will break on to the roof with the heaviness of the leaves.  This one,  I can't do on my own,  but will have to hire someone.  That in itself is something hard to do,  because I don't know how to judge who would do a good job & not charge me fairly.  I'm such an easy "mark" for a conman.  And in this,  I hate that the buck stops with me.

So,  on this Independence day,  I celebrate that I'm doing okay in my new normal.  I just wish I didn't still miss my honey so very fiercely.