Welcome each new day

Yipee,  it worked... so,  in my last post where I wrote about how I'm making this challenge about blogging & not about having to write daily.  I said that I was going to move forward by catching up today & writing a bunch of posts.  But first,  I have to be excited that the pictures all came through.  This was my big hold up & why I hadn't blogged for awhile (well aside from taking birthday trips & band competitions & Baby Girl's senior recognition that I was part of a 3 member committee... my life can be too full).  I got stuck on wanting to put pictures.  I actually had planned some pictures with the thought of the "daily"s but then I couldn't figure out how to put them in the storage place of blogger. I wanted to be personal & not just get free images for this blog.  I really couldn't figure out how to get the pictures off my phone.  Still haven't,  but I really only had one on there that I wanted for the blog & that's the one of my birthday cake & I finally asked one of my daughters to download it for me.  But well,  now,  I can just welcome this new day & go FORWARD from here.

Thank you Lord,  that your mercies never cease & they are new every morning

 

Timer is my friend

I have missed a whole week of this challenge of blogging every day.  And it wasn't writer's block that had me stopped.  And it wasn't even my usual distractions,  but it's because I wanted to write a birthday blog around my day of honor & I couldn't figure out how to load the picture of this year's cake.  Stupid reason,  but it's what stopped me this time.  I seem to always have "stuff" that keeps me from doing what I'm suppose to do.  Most of the time,  it's because I can get so unfocus on the goal & get caught up in the details (like wanting to have the picture because I had the one of last year's cake),  And so,  that is why I'm saying the timer is my friend.  This is a new timer that I bought for myself just recently.  The other timers in this house have been absconded for piano practice or cooking (which is really what they are for anyways).  I need the timer to bring me back into focus.  The little ding (though this one rings quite annoyingly) snaps me out of my distraction.  I also use it to keep on a task.  If I break up a task in 15 minute increments,  I'm most likely to accomplish it.  If it's too daunting,  I become overwhelmed & just give up.  And so,  the timer is my friend,  daily, 
          I'm going to have a catch up day today as I write several blogs so I can try to make it daily.  I'm thinking that this challenge is more about making it a priority to blog,  than for me to stick to the duty of daily.  And so,  it's in moving FORWARD... & almost starting over.  Maybe,  it's more like picking myself up & continuing.  I'm thinking that continue may be my word for next year,  but well,  I digress & that's for another day & another blog.

Pray daily

Actually,  it should be praying moment by moment,  with every breath.  This post was suppose to be for Sunday.  And well,  I'm late & the challenge is about blogging every day.  I'm going to try to write every day.  And if I don't make it,  then I will write 2 blogs, the next day.  I've been reading how alot of bloggers doing the challenge are asking about the "rules". There are no rules.   I'm seeing this as a personal challenge.  It's what you make it & what you commit yourself to do.  I've committed to blog.  I've committed to get my words out of my head & to be encouraged.  And so,  here is my pray daily post that I had committed to do for one of the Sundays in October.

   In the morning devotions that I've been doing with Brother,  we learn what it means to Spiritually breathe.  It's an example that I first learn when I was in college.  It's a powerful analogy.  Anyways,  EXALE means to get rid of the bad air.  Spiritually speaking it means confessing my sins.  It's realizing that it's only with God's forgiveness that I can live & INHALE the good.  Spiritually,  that means to accept God's forgiveness.  Accept the sacrifice of Christ's death on the cross for my sins.  Receive the cleansing power of the Holy Spirit so that I can live.  This is real prayer,  one where it's the breath I take.  Oh,  I love that song,  it's Breathe,  by Micheal W. Smith.  That's what prayer should be like,  breathing.

 

This is the air I breathe
This is the air I breathe
Your holy presence living in me

This is my daily bread
This is my daily bread
Your very word spoken to me

And I I'm desperate for you
And I I'm I'm lost without you

This is the air I breathe
This is the air I breathe
Your holy presence living in me

This is my daily bread
this is my daily bread
your very word spoken to me

And I'm, I'm desperate for you
And I'm, I'm lost without you

And I'm desperate for you
And I'm, I'm lost without you.

I'm lost without you.

I'm lost without you.

I'm desperate for you.

(Cry out to live)

I'm desperate for you..

I'm lost, I'm lost, I'm lost without you..
I'm lost without you

I'm desperate for you

(How many of you are hungry for God?)

(I want more of Him. Who wants the flood gates to open up?)         
                                                                         

rest daily

thank you free image that wants to sell this hammock

 It's all about balance.  So,  here is my post about rest because it follows play daily. Rest is not all about sleep (though I think that is what my post will be about tomorrow)  One of these days,  I'll buy a hammock to relax in.  That's what resting is... relaxing.  I love how in this picture the girl has her feet up & there is laundry waiting for her.  My work daily post was about that... laundry.  But anyways,  I digress.  Rest is about taking a break,  not just from work but from play as well.  It's about putting your feet up & clearing your mind.  Sometimes,  it does lead to sleeping.  But most of the time,  it's when you can just breathe & feel peace.  This doesn't happen enough for me.  Most of the time,  I fill up the empty time slots with activity.  Yes,  sometimes,  the activity is restful (like reading or watching tv) but I need to just rest & relax to have peace daily.

play daily

This post comes naturally after yesterday's post on work.  There is a saying that balance of your time is: 8 hours work,  8 hours play & 8 hours sleep (or rest).  So,  yup,  yesterday blog was about work,  so,  now I should write about play.  Though after taking a nap this morning (it was storming throughout the night & I didn't get much sleep).  I should write about the rest.  But no,  I wanted to write about play.  Because it's my birthday & I want today to be about play

So,  I picked this free image because it's about playing & it's my birthday so there... I'm enjoying

work daily

It's Thursday,  that means it's wash sheets day (you can read about it HERE).  It's also day 8 of this challenge & I've already missed one.  But,  I'm not stressing.  I'm moving FORWARD (love that this is my word for the year,  see about it HERE)  I just got off the phone with my neighbor who asked me if I was working today.  And I laughingly said,  "I work everyday".  I knew she meant if I was going into the office.  I knew she meant the "work" that pays me to be there.  I knew... but I wanted her to acknowledge the stuff that I don't get paid for is work too.

I had this post all written in my head yesterday.  I was going to write about my job that I go to on Monday & Wednesdays.  I was going to write about how I got it.  That it was a God providing kind of thing.  And that's how that is a daily.  But,  since I got distracted & didn't write it DOWN.... I just have to go FORWARD.  I guess,  I have to mull it over,  ponder it some more & write about it later in the month.

In the meantime,  I've got to work.. there is laundry to do

thank you cliparthut for this free image

daily distractions #1

It's morning & I just realized that I didn't post yesterday.  What's ironic is that I brought my computer to bed with me (not a usual habit,  one that I don't want to keep) with every intention of blogging.  But,  Superstar in college had texted that her roommate had booked her flight home for Christmas break & that I should "help" her do that too.  So,  I thought I'd just look at the prices & that ate up all the time that I set aside to blog.  Funny thing is that I had an idea in the morning,  but I had to get ready for work.  Funny thing,  I thought about it during the day,  formulating my outline & what I wanted to share.  Funny thing is when I started to yawn & saw the clock on my bedside table said 11:30pm,  I turned the computer off & went to sleep. It wasn't really that funny when my body clock went off & I got up to use the bathroom,  I almost stepped on my laptop.  And that's when I realized I had been distracted from my purpose last night.  I should have wrote that blog first then looked up airlines.  I get so distracted from my goals sometimes.  I have a feeling that not writing everyday is going to happen more than once this month.  And so,  this is daily distraction #1, moving forward

paying bills, sigh...

It's Tues.  And my day off.  I have scheduled to do the bills on Tues,  but it's something that I stress about daily.  Because,  doing the bills isn't just about opening the envelopes & writing the checks.  No,  that stopped when my husband died.  He was the provider of the family & the bill payer.  I am the comsumer that he use to try to teach to be more organized & budget conscience.  We went to the Dave Ramsey class & I know what I'm suppose to do,  but knowledge & doing are not the same things.  Especially,  when the bills keep coming & the disorganization becomes chaos.  Bill paying now is juggling.  Who do I pay first?  When does the benefits check come in?  What can wait?  Can I work extra to add to the incoming?  It's about choices & being organized.  I struggle in the clutter.  This is my daily.  This is my Tues

my morning constitution

I will add pictures later because I actually took the time to take them in anticipation of this post.  Remember,  I wrote about taking pictures of my toilet.  Yup,  that's today's daily.  Nope,  I don't have to write this on the list to do.  My body urges me without any prompting.  Sometimes, when I'm not ready & sometimes not enough.  I remember when I was younger (oh so much younger),  I worked with the elderly & there was a certain gentleman who walked the halls early in the morning.  I asked him,  "why?" & he would not be deterred as he continued by me answering,  "I've got to get my morning constitution".   I really had no idea what he was talking about,  so I asked the nurse & she just laughed at me & said,  "he's getting his body moving".  I didn't want to be disrespectful,  but I wanted to say, "duh,  I can see that for myself as he is walking around the halls,  moving his body".  But now that I'm older & I've been told by my doctor that it would be wise to get more fiber in my diet,  I know what "morning constitution" is... & it's part of my daily.

the B-I-B-L-E

thank you media cache & whoever pinned this on pinterest
Thankfully,  the one on my table isn't as dusty!

It's Sunday morning & time to get ready for church.  The Bible sits by my bed,  but it's not the one that I bring to church.  I need to find that one.  I need to read this one, FIRST.  This is a daily that needs to be more of a daily.  I need to read God's word as His love letter to me.

thank you free images I'm giving credit

Early on in my   dating relationship with my husband,  we were in different states.  It was before emailing was prevalent & so we relied heavily on the postal service.  Of course,  we talked on the phone every day.  But it was those letters that really caught my heart.  I would anxious wait for the mail & tear into the envelope when it arrived.  Then,  I'd read it quickly.  Then,  I'd read it slowly.  Then I read it again before stacking it with the others.  Sometimes,  before putting them away,  I'd read all of them,  in order of their arrival.

 Pretty sappy,  but they were my physical signs of affection from the heart of the one who said he loved me & who I loved.  It was my link to the one who was so far away.  It was something,  I could touch & hold on to when I would start to doubt our relationship.  They were true love letters.

There is a TRUE love letter that I forget about & that's the Bible.  I don't want to forget this daily.  I don't want to relegate it to the shelf.  I want it opened & messy from the daily wear & tear of constant use.  Oh Lord,  help me to remember...

Read a blog, be encouraged, love this daily

thank you red sea holiday for this stock photo

It's Saturday, day 3 of the challenge & I'm scrambling a bit because I really should be getting ready to go to Baby Girl's band competition (I still have an hour until the house wakes up but I haven't packed the "stuff" yet that I usually pack the night before, but we had the highschool football game to go to... yada, yada, yada). And so, I started this morning with a bit of reading others who are doing the challenge. Oh my, I am so encouraged to be joining this community. This is part of why I LOVE this challenge. Frankly, I thought I'd just be reading this year. But I had a prompting of the heart that said, write, you need to WRITE. But I don't know how to write. I certainly don't know how to blog. Nobody reads my stuff. And so I was going to just read other people's stuff.

thank you media cache

 The stirring in my heart wouldn't go away. Seriously,  I didn't want to do it.  I didn't feel like writing & I know myself enough to know that if I didn't FEEL it,  I wouldn't endure the challenge when it got hard.  So, I put a condition on it. I wouldn't do this challenge unless a "good" prompt came to mind, unless, it was something that would be easy for me to write about on the fly. Unless,  it was something fun.   And so, the prayer went up & stayed tuck away for 2 weeks. Then bam, it hit me while doing my "to do" list (for that story you can read my intro ). I, still didn't want to do it, but when I took the dogs on a walk, all these ideas & different blog post came into my mind. And then, when I got home, I started taking pictures of some of the "daily"s. And it's going to be fun. I had alot of fun doing them (you should have seen me setting up the picture of the toilet.. hee, hee). And that's when it hit me. I'm going to join the 31 day write challenge. I'm going to have fun & not stress. I'm going to read so that I can think better.  I'm going to read my own stuff & really that's all that matters to this blogging stuff. 

So,  anyways,  I didn't have any pictures of me reading (maybe I'll get one of my kids to take one later & add it here, but even if I don't, I'm NOT going to stress about it).  So,  I searched free images of ladies reading.  Ha, ha that was fun,  I did think of putting one with beautiful tan legs sitting by a pool with a book open was fun.  But I did choose one the closest that looked like me (NOT).  Well,  I do have a straw hat like that... hee, hee. 

blog button

I have not really signed up for the challenge because I haven't made my blog button yet.  But I will not be daunted.  It will not defeat me.  I looked it up on google.  I have the image & graphics ready.  But when I go to create it.  It shows error.  I have a feeling that my computer is too old & outdated to support the service sites.  That's okay.  I was planning a trip to the library today.  I will get on the computer there.  Sigh,  I have to pay my overdue fine first.  Oh well,  had to take care of that sometime.  This is why, I have to make sure I do the "daily"s because I get so sidetrack by these "once in awhile"s.  This is why, I make "to do" list with things I've already done in the day,  just so I feel accomplished & can have something to cross off.  This is why, I need the God of the Universe to order my day, because when I try to be in control,  I just mess everything up & it's lacking peace.  This is why my favorite Bible verses are Lamentations 3:22-23

31 day challenge 2015 landing page

I wasn't sure I was going to take up the challenge this year because I lacked inspiration & motivation.  But last week,  I was working on my to do list for the day & laughing at myself for writing things that I do daily.  These things do not have to be written down.  They get done (most of the time) even when they are NOT written down.  I think I write them down just to have something to cross off.  And I started to think about all the things that I do daily & wondered if I had 31 of them,  so "wa-la" inspiration was born & the motivation was there... then... but now it's October 1 & I'm just making this landing page without any direction or plan.  Actually,  I don't even know if I'm making this right.  I tried making a "button",  but that got frustrating.  But I feel like I'm letting myself down by not doing this challenge.  And so here I am moving FORWARD... I"m planning on coming back to this post (if I've made it right) & adding the linkys (is this the right term).  So,  I'm coming back every time & adding my post for the day,  I still am not sure if I'm doing it right.  But I'm trying & enduring & perservering!

Day 1 31-day-challenge-2015-landing-page
Day 2 blog-button
Day 3 read-blog-be-encouraged-love-this-daily
Day 4 the B-I-B-L-E
Day 5 my-morning-constitution
Day 6 paying-bills-sigh
Day 7 daily-distractions-1
Day 8 work-daily
Day 9 play-daily
Day 10 rest-daily
Day 11 pray-daily
Day 12 welcome-each-new-day
Day 13
Day 14
Day 15
Day 16
Day 17
Day 18
Day 19
Day 20 timer-is-my-friend
Day 21
Day 22
Day 23
Day 24
Day 25
Day 26
Day 27
Day 28
Day 29
Day 30
Day 31

Independence day 2015, year 5

Early this morning,  I hung out the flag.  It's become a tradition since we moved here.  The other houses we lived in didn't have a flag holder but we had always intended to put one up.  So,  now this is part of our new normal.  A new family tradition to hang the flag out,  in front of our house,  on the 4th of July.

Our old normal,  consisted of going to Family Camp.  A week long church retreat that catered to the whole family & would be around the 4th of July.  It was a  long tradition of many families.  Friends,  who were like family to us,  who we only saw during that one week.  It was a highlight of the year for our family.

 We would have an old fashion parade where kids would decorate their bikes & scooters with red, white & blue ribbon.  And of course there was a marching band,  that everyone who ever had anything to do with an instrument (even if it had been 10 years since they graduated from highschool band as it had been for my husband) was invited & cajoled into participating.  One year,  there was a boy who marched playing a violin.  I miss Family Camp & all that it meant.  I pray that the memories won't fade but will live in our hearts forever.

And now we have new traditions.  The kids are involved in historical reenactments & have learned how to fire old war artillery.  We,  also,  party with our new church family.  Playing typical picnic games like 3 legged races & watermelon rolls.  But perhaps the most fun,  is shooting our own fireworks.  This was prohibited in the state we use to live in.  Now,  in this new normal,  I volunteer at the firework stand & sell them to raise money for the band (oh, the joys of public school). 

New normal isn't so bad when I think of these things.  Yes,  I miss the old normal,  but this is part of moving forward.  It would have happened even if Daddy hadn't died as we would have seen the kids parting to make their own traditions & gain their independence.

As I reflect on my own new normal & this independence that I've been thrust into.  I can say that I'm pretty proud of myself.  I've had to make so many major decisions as part of being "head of the household".  I've done so many things that I use to let my husband (& before him,  my own Dad) do because those where things that husbands & Dads do.  For instance,  last year,  one of the side trees needed to be trimmed because it was blocking the view of the street when backing out of the garage.  This year with all the rain,  I'm thinking that if I don't get the big limbs cut that they will break on to the roof with the heaviness of the leaves.  This one,  I can't do on my own,  but will have to hire someone.  That in itself is something hard to do,  because I don't know how to judge who would do a good job & not charge me fairly.  I'm such an easy "mark" for a conman.  And in this,  I hate that the buck stops with me.

So,  on this Independence day,  I celebrate that I'm doing okay in my new normal.  I just wish I didn't still miss my honey so very fiercely.

five minute firiday: RELIEF

it's time for me to blog & here is the link to the prompt.

so,  all I can think about is weather... relief from snow.  Can't imagine that it really snowed in Colorado yesterday,  but my friends on facebook posted pictures so it must have happened.  HA< HA! just glad it wasn't here.  But there is still so much that can still happen in this season & every time a storm hits,  I think TORNADO & I'm so relieved that I didn't have to herd my kids (& dogs) into my dank, dark basement.  But I would do it & have relief that we were saved from being carried away by a big wind.  I'm relieved that with God,  I can move FORWARD (ha, ha... my word for the year,  trying to put it in all my post) otherwise this journey is truly stuck.  I'm relieved that my FOREVER FRIEND biopsy came back negative.  I HATE cancer.  I'm relieved that my kids are fairly normal & I can trust their choices.  Prom is this weekend.  I'm relieved that the timer to the laundry just dinged & my five minutes are over.  I wish I was relieved of getting the house company ready,  but glad that I have a house that can have people over... sigh... ding

Story Sunday: Seaweed snacks

 I'm not sure if I deemed Sunday as story or silent,  but I couldn't post these pictures without words.  There's such a story behind them.  And so for today,  it's Story Sunday,  with my seaweed snacks.

I was so excited to find these in of all places.... WALMART.  True,  they were tucked in the asian corner of the aisle,  right beside the jasmine rice,  but they were there.  Stuff like this is hard to come by in my neck of the country.  And though they were a bit pricey,  I had to buy them.  I had to enjoy the taste & the memories. I was introduced to these yummies in college.  In my Junior year,  I lived with Japanese exchanged students who had all sorts of wonderful treasures to share.  But that is not the story that I wanted to share.

No,  this is about my other roommate,  Diane... & yes I'm using her real name.  Because,  I also wanted to share her awesome blog, http://dianesamson.com/ wings for your dreams.  So,  with this my anonymity may be ruined,  but really it's just a game to try to keep my identity underwraps (& to respect my kids wishes to keep them out of my social media reveals).  Anyways,  back to Diane (love you girlfriend & so glad you are back to the road to recovery),  she loved our roommates in different ways & they loved her "typical American" meat & potato ways.  I, on the other hand kept asking if they had anymore spicy little crackers that I could spread their shrimp paste on.  But my real downfall was these little packages of dried seaweed.

  They even had their family mail me a care package of them.  And I would slurp & crunch & moan with delight at the taste of them.  This is the way of the Japanese to show their appreciation of their food.  Actually,  the highest praise is to burp.  But even, I,  stop at this un-norm.  Anyways,  Diane on the otherhand did not share in my experience.  She would cover her ears at my nonsense & politely ask me to take it down the hall.  This is such a fun memory for me as I think about my college years.

 My usual fare for snacks are chips.  I love anything with salt & crunch.  I think that's why the seaweed was such a hit in my wheelhouse.  Yummm.... it's strange how the senses evoke our emotions.  Just thinking how the smell of the seaweed was or how the sound of the crunch of the chips brings such pleasure to my heart.... ha, ha... I'm not laughing out loud,  but smiling real big.

yes,  this is actually in my fridge

But chips are not healthy & I need to get to healthy living,  in going FORWARD. I just wish they evoke my pleasure centers... hee,  hee

It wasn't Friday

On my morning walk with the dogs yesterday,  I realized that it was Friday & not Saturday.  And I sighed a sigh of relief because I didn't have to rush around to get Brother to Basketball,  then piano contest & then to help with Uncle's roof.  And then,  I laughed at myself for stressing about a blogpost for Five Minute Friday when it was actually Thursday.  And then,  I pondered about "break".  I read another #FMF post & she wrote about how Jesus took breaks.  I,  also read another (but not a #FMF) where she wrote about our society has gotten so selfish about "me time".  Both were valid & I wasn't sure which side I want to be on.  Can't I be in both camps?  I didn't read anymore break blogs,  one because I didn't have time & second because I didn't want them to cloud my thoughts in my ponderings.  I still want to write about break.  I like this word.  It's deep.  Maybe this will be my word next year.  But I need to move (oops that was my word from last year... old habit) FORWARD (this year's word is good,  but not as good as move).

So,  I've pondered & read through my old post to see if I gave my coworker a nickname.  I didn't. (Oops,  when I was finishing up this post,  I saw a label for Beautiful Blonde & I did write about her... ha, ha  here Sally the Beautiful Blonde) I want to because I need to write about work more & she is a big part of why work has been good for me.

I think I will nickname her Sally.  Because well,  it's close enough to her real name & because she kinda looks like her with the curly brown hair & the cute smile.  She is younger than me,  but not that much since we have kids around the same age.

She's been in the office for almost 20 years.  And has been a wonderful friend.  I didn't realize how much until she had to be absent with her broken arms.  I had come to depend on talking with her about life.  It was easy because we have alot in common.

And so,  even though it wasn't Friday,  I joined the party early & wrote a post.  And even though,  I wasn't going to write about broken tibias,  I wrote about Sally.  Hi Sally!

five minute friday : BREAK

So the prompt word is BREAK.  What do I do with this word?  I've got 5 minutes to try to do it.  It's an overwhelming word.  So much content,  lots of directions I could go with it.  I feel a bit overwhelmed.  I wish I would have looked it up this morning & had a walk with the dogs to mull it over.  But,  I'm in bed with 2 hours before this Friday is over & I want to blog.  But BREAK?  really?

My first thought when I saw it,  "yeah,  right... I took a break from blogging"  but then I got even more bleak & thought,  " I took a break from life".  Nope,  that's not the direction,  I want my thoughts or this blog to go.

Then,  I thought about my coworker, (I need to go over my blogs & see if I gave her a nickname).  She has 2 breaks in her tibia.  She fell & broke both elbows.  Yup,  ouch... nope,  that's not the kind of break either that I want to blog about.

Ha... timer up,  I guess,  I don't really have to write about it now.  I've accomplished my goal.  I've blogged.  Yup,  no real substance & that disappoints me a bit,  but I'm moving on. I'm going forward.  I will revisit this word after I've ponder.....

Time to change the sheets

I'm waiting for my bed sheets to come out of the dryer.  Usually,  I hang the sheets because I love the smell of sunshine that lingers after you take them down. The kids laugh with me as I inhale deeply & say "smell that sunshine".   I know it's not the smell of sunshine but of dried cotton (or percale,  I'm not sure what my sheets are made of).  But to me,  it's the smell of sunshine,  outdoor freshness & good memories of my childhood when I would hang sheets with my Aunty Ben.  

 Alas it's winter now & that means flannel sheets.  It means that there is still ice outside & the rain from last night has made lots of mud underneath my clothesline. It means putting the bedsheets in the dryer with a smelly thing that advertises to be outdoor fresh.

But my bedsheets or smell of sunshine isn't really what I wanted to write about... as I was walking the dogs this morning,  (see I told you I do my blog thinking while I walk them),  I was thinking about what i needed to get done today.  And it's not Thurs so I can't do the sheets.  Baby Girl had a memory at the dinner table the other day of taking her bedsheets & stuffing it into the pillowcase & tossing the bag over her shoulder & singing "hi ho, hi ho,  it's off to work we go" & how it they would do it every Thurs.  It was the routine.  And now the topic of this blog came into my thoughts.

In moving forward,  sometimes you have to get out of your routine.  When you are stuck & tangled,  you have to change & do something different so that you can move forward.  But sometimes,  you just have to get back into the routine.  I'm probably going to have to come back to these thoughts.  There is alot to ponder.

onward FORWARD

Tonight,  on my last walk of the day with the dogs,  I thought about blogging.  I do this often on my walks,  but I come home & get distracted & blogging doesn't happen.  Almost didn't happen because yup,  came home & got distracted.  But I want to move forward & onward & blog.  Even if it's about being distracted.  I had thought that I would blogg about the lovely smell of rain & fresh dirt.... it signifies spring.  I had thought about writing about walking the dogs.  I had thought I would even write about blogging even though it's not the "30 day challenge".  But no,  I'm just writing so that I will get a post in before it gets to be months that I haven't blogged.  I still can't believe that I didn't write anything in February.  Yup,  it's definitely time to move FORWARD...

My one word: FORWARD

One word.... I started last year with just one word as my resolution.  I followed it all the way through & it's been good.  The word was MOVE.  And it was able to fit in all areas in my life.  So,  I wanted to do it again.  In fact,  I wanted to use the same word.  But it didn't seem like it would be moving forward.  And that's when it struck me that my word can be FORWARD.  It really isn't an action word but more of an "attitude" word.  And in that I'm afraid to commit.  But as I prayed & kept seeking for a word,  this FORWARD word nagged at me.  And so,  now,  I will make it my word & see where it takes me.  I may even join the one word tribe at http://oneword365.com/  

Forget New Year’s Resolutions. Scrap that long list of goals you won’t remember three weeks from now anyway.

Choose just one word.

One word you can focus on every day, all year long… One word that sums up who you want to be or how you want to live.

It will take intentionality and commitment, but if you let it, your one word will shape not only your year, but also you. It will become the compass that directs your decisions and guides your steps.

Discover the big impact one word can make.

Forget New Year’s Resolutions. Scrap that long list of goals you won’t remember three weeks from now anyway.

Choose just one word.

One word you can focus on every day, all year long… One word that sums up who you want to be or how you want to live.

It will take intentionality and commitment, but if you let it, your one word will shape not only your year, but also you. It will become the compass that directs your decisions and guides your steps.

Discover the big impact one word can make.

Welcome...#fmfparty

Yipee!  the five minute party is back http://katemotaung.com/2015/01/08/five-minute-friday-welcome-and-a-video/ & the posted word is: WELCOME.

 So,  I have 5 minutes to write about this & not dwell or spent time looking for the right image.  I have to confess that I did just that before I started the timer.  At first,  I was going to write about the places I feel most welcome,  but so much of that has changed with the circumstances of my life.  And that just doesn't match with what I'm thinking my word for the year is going to be.... more on that another time.   Wow,  time goes fast,  I only have 2 minutes left.  Anyways,  I was perusing the images & saw so many signs about welcome to my city.  And that brought back so many memories of road trips & me insisting on taking a family picture in front of said sign.  In fact,  when I was first married (oops,  the timer went off,  but I'll still finish this story), we literally stopped at every small town in the Midwest (my husband, at the time, worked for Doty Labs for the summer & we drove to all the grain elevators collecting samples to send back to the lab.  It was a wonderful summer.  And I loved how creative each town would be to try to convey it's personality & make you feel welcome.

okay,  broke the rules just a little bit,  but I was having so much fun blogging & I wanted to finish the story & keep on smiling.  And I really do love looking at all these welcome signs.  Here is a welcome sign that I want to visit sometime.  It was on the "wish list" before Daddy died.  And we were suppose to go when the boy grew taller & was double digits.  But finances & other circumstances has put that dream on the shelf.  Maybe,  someday,  I'm still hopeful & that's what matters. 

on your mark... get set... GO

So,  it's the first of the year,  time to begin again.  Time to forgive myself & others of what wasn't done last year.  Time to make changes. 

But before doing those changes,  there is a need to reflect on what has happened in the past.  Because in that is where you learn. 

I use to take time at the beginning of my year with a new journal & write out all that.  I wish I could still do that & maybe I will,  but it just is not in me anymore.  I've tried & had to put it away as I stare at the blank page.  Rather than get excited,  I become discourage that I don't have the cherished dreams to look forward to.  And the newness of the page just reminds me of that.

I'm surprised that I have a hard time even looking back.  My life is full,  but I still miss what I've loss so much. 

I miss my husband & our growing old together. I miss my friends who I counted as family. I miss living in warmer weather.  I miss homeschooling.  I miss my old life.

Don't get me wrong.  There has been much to smile about & I have even laughed.  I have even seen the hindsight in the struggle.  But this hasn't been my choice. 

What I have chosen is to move forward,  not move on,  because that would mean having to leave alot of my heart behind & I want to take that with me.  MOVE.... that was my word last year & I've been thinking,  I want to keep it.  But that wouldn't be moving would it?  So,  I'm still contemplating my word.

That was one of my favorite things about last year.  That I had a word to encourage me.  Another is doing the 31 day blog challenge.  I did read more & declutter more.  I got myself a job & hence have started a new identity apart from the kids & having been married.  I've moving forward... yes... I was on the mark for so long,  but I couldn't get myself into set. 

I'm grateful for support groups like Celebrate Recovery & Grief Share.  But I really miss having heart friends.  This is still a new beginning for me.  And I see myself going back to my old friends for support,  but they live so far away (yup,  I acknowledge that I'm whining).

I miss my church family.  But it's building here.  It's a bit more messy here.  But that's what family is.  I just wish that I didn't know so much & could just be a sheep in the pasture.

Through it all,  I have my God.  Who has never left me even though I have left many a time.  This morning I read about Hagar.  When the angel of the Lord came upon her,  she called Him the "God who sees".  Yes,  God sees how I am doing & He knows.  In that is comfort. 

And so,  this is my first blogpost of 2015... I'm ready & set & I'm moving... oops,  going!