Twelve steps Tuesday

I think it's become a habit.  This morning when I was walking the dogs,  I was trying to think of the title of my blog.  I knew I wanted it to be an alliteration & something that I would continue.  But nothing that started with a "t" stuck out to me.  And I became somewhat disappointed knowing that I needed to get a blog done & I wasn't inspired.

This was the start of what could have been a downward spiral for me.  I've been battling a little bit of depression.  And as I continued on with my day,  I was dwelling on the feeling of being alone in my decisions;  of not having anyone to bounce my ideas.  I started to feel unappreciated, inadequate & unlovely.  I felt the urge for Ben & Jerry (something chocolate please) & to watch HGTV (house hunters international intrigues me) See,  what I mean by the spiral down.

And then as I was cleaning off the table,  I caught sight of a note from a friend from a program I went to when I first moved here.  I had promised many that I would seek counseling & grief support.  But I couldn't find anything in my town except Celebrate Recovery.

 I didn't know it was a program for addictions & other habits & hang ups.  I just knew that it met at the Baptist Church & it seemed like a group that I could say,  I kept my promise.

There I found a Bible based program of real... oh wow,  very REAL people who were trying to get out of holes that they dug themselves but hanging on tightly to the hand of Jesus.  They let me cry without judgement that I wasn't trusting God's will.   I felt acceptance where I didn't feel it in any other church setting.  Ironically,  the leaders didn't know what group to put me in,  because they had never had anyone come off the street that said,  I'm grieving & I need to feel okay about it.  

I was placed with the women who were in "bad" relationships.  Who had been abused or abandoned.  Ladies who enabled bad behavior in their men.  Ladies,  who in the years past,  I would never have been able to relate to.  I'm not sure I can relate still,  but they let me cry & express my disappointment with God.  They let me get mad at God & didn't judge.  They gave me love from their own hurts.  And it's just what I needed

Now,  I've been going to a Griefshare group & it's good.  It's what I need to be in NOW.  I'm not sure I could have been accepting of the principles back then.  I was too raw.  I just needed to be loved & told to "work the steps".

Which leads to me to my alliteration today.  The 12 steps are very basic & its what I did today to get me out of my slump.  In a short version,  I had to admit that I was letting negative thought overtake me & had to recognize that God is bigger & decide to believe God.  I read lots of Bible,  especially Psalms & mediated how God keeps me sheltered.  He is my refuge.  And then,  I met with a friend & shared with her what I learned.  And she was encouraged.

This is why,  I'm naming Tues,  my 12 step Tuesday & will continue after the challenge is over